


singing blues has been getting old

by throughthemist



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Actor Bucky Barnes, Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Captain America Steve Rogers/Modern Bucky Barnes, Celebrity AU, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Found Family, M/M, Shrunkyclunks, notting hill inspired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-06-27
Packaged: 2020-02-29 02:21:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 29,837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18769216
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/throughthemist/pseuds/throughthemist
Summary: Actor James Barnes is forever flitting in and out of the tabloids as one scandal after another tries to drag his name down. Captain Steve Rogers is on the road, trying to outrun what his life has become. Against all odds, the two meet and spark a connection that will change both of their lives forever.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> title from Lana Del Rey's 'Ride'
> 
> set two months after the events of 'The Avengers' and canon-compliant with everything up to and including that film!
> 
> warnings for minor discussion of private photos being leaked, but nothing is described or spoken about in detail
> 
> I will be posting a chapter a week!

**May 2012**

Bucky jumped into his car as soon as the news hit. He needed to be somewhere, anywhere, else than in his apartment that was too much of everything; too big, too fancy, too much of a reminder of how much his life had changed. For just a day or two he wanted to be Bucky again, not James Barnes, the famous actor and renowned playboy. He glanced over at the duffel bag on the passenger seat of his too fancy car and sighed. In just four hours he would be with his sister in DC.

He drove through the streets of Brooklyn and across the bridge into Manhattan, where buildings still bore the scars of the invasion that hit two months before, and roads were bordered with bouquets of flowers paying tribute to the people that had lost their lives that day. Bucky took deep, even breaths and kept his eyes firmly planted on the road ahead. He ignored the bile that rose up in his throat and the tingling sensation in his left arm. He kept driving. The morning sunshine gave way to a beautiful day, and on hour three of the drive the panic that had driven Bucky out of his apartment began to lift, leaving him with a numb feeling of resignation. He was no stranger to this feeling, he’d gotten used to it after the first five times he’d had his heart messed with. 

Another twenty minutes of driving deposited him in a sleepy town on the outskirts of Maryland and he pulled over into a parking lot as his phone started to ring. Digging through his duffel bag, Bucky found the phone and wasn’t surprised to see his sister’s name lighting up the screen. He picked up.

“Buck?” Becca’s voice was riddled with concern, “are you okay?”

Bucky didn’t respond straight away, just lent his forehead against the steering wheel and let out a sigh. “Not really,” he finally managed. “I’m on my way to you, I hope that’s okay.”

“Of course it’s okay, Buck, we’ve been over this.” Becca’s voice was bordering on the line between frustrated and fond. They’d had this argument one too many times, but no matter how often Becca insisted it was fine, Bucky still felt like an imposition when he showed up at her house out of the blue. “But if you’re really worried about it, pick us up some fresh bread. Gabby finished mine this morning without leaving me any, obviously.”

Bucky let out a soft chuckle at that. For as long as they’d been together, Gabby had been stealing the last of Becca’s famous home baked bread whenever she could; it was now at the point that Becca refused to bake any herself unless it was for a special occasion. She claimed it wasn’t worth the effort of baking a loaf if it would just be gone within a few hours. Bucky wasn’t surprised at Gabby’s obsession over his sister’s good food; when Bucky had first met Gabriella Wilson on set a few years ago they’d bonded over the tragedy of the catering, and had cemented their friendship on frequent visits to a nearby diner. 

“Sure thing Becs. I’ll see you later, I’m only forty minutes away. And thank you again.” He hung up before Becca could chastise him for thanking her once more. He let his phone fall into his lap and slumped against the seat for a moment. He took deep breaths before pulling on the baseball cap and sunglasses he always kept in his car’s glove compartment. The disguise was rudimentary but did the trick, and in a town this small he shouldn’t have much trouble getting in and out without being recognised; especially as he still had shoulder length hair from his latest film. Picking up his phone, keys, and wallet, Bucky stepped out into the late morning sun.

The town looked like any other small American town he’d ever seen in that it consisted mainly of wide residential streets with well-kept detached houses boasting impressively manicured front lawns. He walked leisurely through the streets until he came across the town centre, a charming road lined with colourful shopfronts and families enjoying the Saturday morning at cafes. He walked up the cobbled street towards a red brick shop with an endearingly dilapidated sign signalling it as a family bakery. Even a few feet away Bucky could smell the food baking within and his mouth watered, thinking he would pick up a couple of pastries as well as the bread; he’d been craving an apple turnover for weeks now, and he knew Becca had a sweet spot for Danish pastries. But just as he turned to push the door open it abruptly opened from the inside and Bucky found himself face to face, well more like face to chest, with a man and he suddenly found himself drenched in orange juice. He immediately reeled back and plucked his now soaked tee away from his skin dejectedly. It had been one of his favourite shirts; a soft, worn thing that his mother had bought for him years ago. Seemed like his day was only getting worse.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry!”

Bucky looked up at the man, who had trotted down the steps and now stood in front of him with a look of horror on his face. Standing like this Bucky realised the man was only an inch or two taller than he was, but he was easily twice as broad.

“Orange juice? Really?” Bucky spoke before he could think it through and he cringed at how rude he sounded. He glanced up and saw the man’s jaw clench in annoyance. He quickly backtracked, “not that there’s anything wrong with orange juice, but it sure is a bitch to get out of a white shirt.”

The annoyance left Mr Tall, Blonde, and Broad’s face and was replaced with mortification once more, “I’ll buy you a new shirt, I really am so sorry.” His hands fluttered uselessly at Bucky’s shirt, like he was unsure whether to try and blot the juice away or not. Bucky made the decision for him and stepped back a few steps, running a hand through his long hair.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Please, I...I can’t let you walk around like that. There’s a Goodwill just down the street we could go to.”

Bucky looked the man over once more, searching his face for any sign of recognition or ulterior motive. He found none. Even worse, he couldn’t help but notice just how handsome the guy really was. The physique Bucky had first noticed was glorious, all wide shoulders and trim waist, but his face was contrastingly gentle with kind blue eyes and a neat beard that Bucky suspected hid a strong jawline. He couldn’t help the curiosity that overcame him - it wasn’t often he met someone who wanted to help him without knowing who he was.

“Okay,” he gave in, “if you’re sure. But I won’t let you spend more than $5 on me.”

That got him a shy smile and a name, “deal. I’m Steve, by the way.”

Bucky smiled back, but his eyes were still suspicious behind his sunglasses, “nice to meet you Steve, I’m Bucky.”

They started down the street together, quietly at first until Steve broke the silence between them, “you live round here?”

“No,” Bucky debated telling him where he really lived and ultimately decided there was no harm. It wasn’t likely that this Steve guy even cared past making small talk, “Brooklyn born and raised. On my way to DC right now though. You?”

Steve raised his eyebrows, “oh hey, me too. Lived in the city my whole life.” He went oddly quiet for a moment before clearing his throat awkwardly, “what’s waiting for you in DC?”

“My little sister. She moved out there to live with her girlfriend a year ago, but I still try and see her as much as I can.” Bucky didn’t even flinch at the lie. It was more like a half-truth anyway, he did go out to see Becca as much as his schedule allowed, it just wasn’t strictly what was driving him there now.

“That’s nice,” Steve said, almost wistfully. “I never had any brothers or sisters. Always wondered what it would be like. Closest I had was my brothers-in-arms during the war…” Steve trailed off, letting the sentence hang like he wasn’t sure whether he wanted to say more or take it all back.

“Becca was a handful growing up, but we’ve always been close. It’s nice, always having someone there for you.” Before he could get choked up, Bucky changed the subject. “So, you’re Army?”

Steve hummed, “on leave right now.”

“And you’re spending it in this town? No offence buddy, but you could choose somewhere a bit more lively. Somewhere like our native Brooklyn, perhaps?”

“It’s different, going back there now.”

Bucky opened his mouth to ask why, but something about Steve’s expression had him biting his tongue. Thankfully, they’d reached Goodwill. They wandered into the shop and headed straight for the men’s section, and Bucky started rifling through shirts while Steve stood off to one side, looking for all the world like he had no idea where to start.

“You had the bright idea to come here and now you’re leaving me to do all the work?” Bucky said teasingly, “I’ll give you some mission parameters if it helps, soldier boy. White shirt, size medium, nothing more than $5, got it?”

“Sir, yes sir,” Steve rolled his eyes at him and took to his task without hesitation. He held up a shirt triumphantly after a minute of searching. “Target acquired Private.”

Bucky squawked, “hey, I’m at least a Sergeant. But I’ll take the shirt without complaint, even if it isn’t exactly what I asked for.” The shirt was white alright, but it had a large print of Captain America’s shield bang in the centre of it. 

Steve led the way to the checkout, “sure thing Sarge.”

Bucky thanked him profusely for the shirt and headed to a dressing room to change quickly, already formulating a plan to prolong their interaction. He knew he shouldn’t, his impulsive decisions always ended up getting him in trouble, but there was something about Steve that intrigued him. Maybe it was the fact he obviously didn’t know who he was, but he thought it was more than that. The joking small talk they’d kept up was lifting his spirits and he could admit he had a selfish desire to keep talking to the man who was making his bad day just that little bit better. But as he walked back out to put the plan in motion, Steve beat him to it. 

“Looking good,” Steve eyed him with a mischievous glint in his eyes. Before Bucky could snark back he said, “so, want to grab a coffee? The bakery has little sit in tables.”

His words were confident, but Bucky could hear nerves in his voice and in the way he clasped his hands in front of himself awkwardly. He smiled, “sure, as long as you don’t get orange juice.”

They ended up sat at a small table pushed into the back of the shop, tucked away enough that Bucky wasn’t too worried about taking his hat and sunglasses off. He left them on the table next to his coffee though, ready to slip back on at a moment’s notice.

“What about you?”

Steve was caught off guard by the question, and stopped perusing the store to look at him, “what?”

“We’ve established that I’m a Sergeant, so what about you?”

“Oh. Umm, I’m a Captain.” Steve mumbled, eyes cast down to the table.

“Impressive.” 

Steve didn’t give him a reply, simply shifted in his seat and lifted his eyes to meet Bucky’s once more. “What do you do?”

Bucky smiled sweetly, “I’m a mechanic.” Making up a job was like a game to Bucky now, and his newest version was adopting whatever job the last character he played had. It worked on a multitude of levels - he was ready with anecdotes and basic knowledge of the profession and it made it easier to lie convincingly. Maybe he’d overdone the innocent act though, because Steve was looking at him assessingly, like he didn’t quite believe him but knew it wasn’t his place to pry. It made Bucky feel oddly vulnerable, so he turned the focus back on Steve, “so how long are you in this town?”

“I’m not,” he said, “I’m just passing through. I’m on a roadtrip.”

“Something you’ve always wanted to do?” Bucky had never understood the draw of roadtrips himself. He was a home kind of person, he cherished going back to his own space and being near people he loved and places he knew.

Steve shrugged, “it clears my head.”

Bucky frowned, it was clear something else was on Steve’s mind and he couldn’t help but push a little more, “it isn’t lonely?”

Steve scoffed, “don’t have to be on the open road to feel lonely.”

The conversation was taking on a more intimate tone, but Bucky was loathe to pull back. It seemed to him like this was something Steve had kept in too long, “you want to talk about it? Sometimes there’s nothing kinder than a stranger’s ear, and hey it ain’t like we’re gonna see each other again after today.”

A flash of disappointment coloured Steve’s eyes for a millisecond before it was replaced with a deeper pain. He suddenly looked twenty years older, “I’ve lost a lot of people, Buck. First my Ma, then a few guys in combat. Seems like it happened all at once.” Steve took a shaky breath and shook his head, “sorry. You don’t want to hear this.”

Bucky slid his hand across the table and squeezed Steve’s where it was toying with the laminated menu, “hey, I offered to listen, didn’t I? If it makes you feel better I’ll give you the highlights reel of all the worst parts of my life when you’re done.”

Steve smiled gratefully, “I just can’t face going back home and seeing the ghosts of everyone I love. It’s easier this way.”

“You have any other family? Friends?”

Steve shook his head again, his overgrown bangs falling in his eyes, “my Dad died before I was born and my Ma passed when I was 18. They were first generation immigrants, so even if I have extended family somewhere, they ain’t anywhere near.” He smiled ruefully before continuing, “the friends part I’m working on.”

“Being on the road helps with that, eh?”

Steve huffed a laugh, “you’re a jerk, you know that?”

“It’s been said.”

“Okay, your turn now.” Steve’s smile was saccharine.

Bucky grimaced, “you serious?”

“Deadly. C’mon Buck, bare your soul.” He grinned boyishly, “you know you wanna.”

“Fine!” Bucky put on a show of being blasé, but inside his heart was beating double time. He didn’t do this, he didn’t open up to people he didn’t know. He barely opened up to people he did know. He fidgeted and stalled by taking a sip of his coffee. He didn’t even know how he’d talk about his problems without giving away the fact he was a famous actor and not a mechanic. This wasn’t going to work.

“Hey,” Steve’s voice was surprisingly gentle, “you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to. But...it was nice, just then. Telling you about all that. Maybe it will help you too?”

Bucky groaned inwardly, feeling his resolve crumble around him. Damn this guy. He oozed sincerity in a way that should have been annoying but instead put him at ease. He sighed and pushed his hair behind his ears before speaking, “I just...I seem to only attract the wrong type of person, you know? It’s like every time I put my heart on the line it gets stepped on, and this time...this time it was even worse.”

“What happened?”

“The guy took complete advantage of me. I won’t go into details, but the gist of it is that he took something completely private and put it out there for everyone to see.”

Bucky glanced up at Steve to gauge his reaction and saw the unmasked anger in his eyes, “that’s fucked up. Is there anyway to take it back?”

“Nope, it’s out there now.”

“Can you take legal action?”

Bucky laughed darkly, “oh believe me, I am. He won’t get away with this.”

“So you’re going to your sister’s to get some distance from this guy?”

“Yeah. Becca, my sister, she’s the best. I think the brains of the family bypassed me to go straight to her, if I’m honest. She always knows what to say when shit like this happens.”

Steve’s eyebrows shot up to his hair, “stuff like this happens often? Who are these guys you’re dating?”

“Well, this is definitely the worst it’s been. And don’t even ask. It’s not just guys either, a few girls have messed me around pretty good too. But don’t worry, I’m swearing off romance forever.”

“That’s one way not to get your heart broken.”

“Speaking from experience?”

Steve shuffled in his seat and drained his coffee. “That’s a discussion better suited to somewhere less public where I can cry in peace.”

Bucky laughed, “well, I have time for a walk if you do? I passed a nice park on my way here.”

The walk to the park was calm, the quiet that settled between the two comfortable. Bucky couldn’t help shooting glances at Steve every so often, and he looked reflective; the sad, faraway look was back in his eyes and Bucky wondered if bringing up romance had been a bad idea. He still couldn’t believe he’d actually talked to Steve about what was happening though. And, against all odds, it had helped. His mind was oddly blank as the cobblestone path transitioned into the grass of the park.

“Her name is Peggy.” Steve’s voice startled Bucky, and it took him a minute to grasp the thread of conversation. Luckily, Steve didn’t seem to need any input from him, “we never really got the chance to pursue anything, but I know I could have loved her. Loved her my whole life.” Bucky waited for him to continue, and when he finally did his voice was achingly sad, “I guess it wasn’t meant to be.”

“What happened,” Bucky’s voice came out in a whisper, deferential to the sadness clouding Steve.

“That’s a story for another day, I’m afraid.” Steve’s smile was sardonic. 

“And there was never anyone else?”

“No. Growing up I had friends, but never anything more. And after my Ma died I just wasn’t in the right headspace to meet anyone new. I joined the army pretty young, and that’s where I met Peggy. Now I’m here, I guess.”

“I’m sorry Steve.” Bucky said, and he meant it. “Losing a love you never truly got to hold onto is an unusually cruel twist of fate.”

Steve looked over at him then, and his sad eyes gripped Bucky’s and didn’t let them go, “thank you.” 

The moment washed over them and they continued walking, edging closer together until their shoulders brushed.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been in love.” The words were out of Bucky’s mouth before he could take them back. It wasn’t something he thought about often, but as soon as the words left his mouth he knew they were true. Steve looked at him with an open expression and Bucky knew he would listen without judging should he continue. “I think half the reason why I get messed around so much is that I give my heart away too easy. It’s just...ever since I was a kid I wanted love, and a family, someone to host Passover dinner with, you know. And it’s just never happened for me, no matter how hard I try. And then I see my sister happily shacked up with her girlfriend, my parents still stupid in love after 40 years, and my best friend happily married to the love of his life. It’s hard not to feel like the odd one out sometimes, that’s all.”

Bucky let his words settle. It was the most he’d said on the matter for years.

“Well I could say ‘it’ll happen someday’ or some other bullshit, but truth is I feel the same way. My team...my friends, they all have someone special and all I have is the memory of how that feels.” Steve huffed out a self deprecating laugh, “my therapist said to focus on the positive; that so much love is surrounding me in the first place.”

Bucky kicked at a rock, “yeah. Easier said than done, right?”

Steve hummed, “anyway, it’s hard to think about love when you’re surrounded by war.”

Bucky whipped around to stare at Steve. He had no idea what to say to that. “Couldn’t you get out? Come home?”

“It seems like war follows me everywhere. Even when I finally went home I only had two weeks of rest before bloody aliens attacked my city and I had to fight again.” Bucky’s blood ran cold at the mention of the Battle of New York.

“You fought that day?” His voice came out strangled and Steve looked over at him in concern.

“Yeah.” He continued hesitantly, “you were there, weren’t you?”

Bucky nodded. His voice cracked when he spoke, and he gripped his left arm painfully without realising it, “yeah. Got trapped in the rubble trying to get my parents out safely. Could have been a lot worse.”

Steve nodded, sensing Bucky wouldn’t say more. “I’m glad you got out safe Buck.”

Bucky hung his head for a breath, “thanks for fighting for us.”

“It’s what I’m made for.” Steve’s eyes were hollow for just a moment before he seemed to shake himself out of it, “fighting for my country is an honour.”

The answer was automatic, obviously learnt by rote. Bucky was suddenly desperate to lift the mood and searched his mind for a change of subject. “What did you want to be when you were a kid?”

That got a smile out of Steve, albeit a small one. “An artist. Ma always said I had artists hands.”

Bucky raised his eyebrows and tried to discreetly glance at Steve’s hands. They were large and even without inspecting them closely Bucky could make out a myriad of scars. He tried to picture them holding a paintbrush or a pencil, but the image was incongruous with the man stood in front of him. Something about that brought home to Bucky just how much this man’s life had been changed by war, more than just hearing him talk about it. It was the same feeling he got when he opened his apartment door and expected to be greeted by excited yapping and mismatched furniture and instead got empty silence and designer sofas. He ached for Steve.

“What kind of art?”

“Drawing mostly, in charcoal or graphite. It was what we could afford. I didn’t touch paints until my first year of art college, and by that point I was happier with a pencil in my hand than any brush.” Steve sounded animated, caught up in the memories of following his passion. “Same story now I have more money than I know what to do with. Nothing feels right except graphite and a sketchbook.”

“I’ll have to model for you sometime,” Bucky was only half joking. He was intrigued to see Steve’s art for himself.

Steve shot him an amused glance, “something tells me you wouldn’t be able to sit still long enough for me to try.”

“I’ll have you know I’m great at sitting still and looking pretty. I’ll prove it to you.” In a moment of courage he gestured to the way out the park, “let’s grab lunch, you can draw me and I’ll prove to you how great of a model I am.”

“Well, you have got the looking pretty bit down already.” Steve grinned back.

“That a yes then?”

“I don’t back down from a challenge Bucky.”

They made their way to a small bistro and slipped into a booth. Bucky was busy studying the menu when he heard Steve rustling through his backpack, and looked up in time to see him pull a sketchbook and pencil out of his bag.

“Well, ain’t that handy,” Bucky didn’t try to hide the laughter in his eyes. Of course Steve carried a sketchbook around with him everywhere. “You keep that on you just incase a pretty boy asks you to draw him?”

“Surprisingly, no. This doesn’t happen as often as you’d think.” Steve shot back drily. His eyes were dancing as he looked up, “not that I’m complaining.”

Steve started sketching then, keeping up a stream of chatter as his pencil flew across the paper in practiced strokes. They were interrupted by a waitress and Bucky looked on in bafflement as Steve proceeded to order half the menu just for himself. He looked up and caught Bucky’s stare, shrugging, “what? I have a fast metabolism.”

By the time their food arrived, Steve was done. “It’s just a sketch, sorry it’s messy,” he was blushing as he slid the pad of paper across to Bucky. Bucky stared down at the drawing, blown away. This had only taken Steve 20 minutes, and he couldn’t help but wonder what he could achieve in double that time. The sketch was full of character, the seemingly messy lines of graphite built up in layers that exuded personality. Bucky couldn’t look away. How had this man captured him so honestly, so effortlessly, when he’d only known him for a few hours?

“Steve..” Bucky was almost speechless, “this is incredible.”

Steve blushed an even darker shade of pink. “You like it? You can have it, if you want?”

“You’d give this to me?”

“Sure, I mean it’s only a quick thing but it’s yours if you want it.”

Bucky wanted it. He couldn’t explain to himself just why he wanted it so much - what was he going to do with a drawing of himself? - but this small memento of their day together felt like something important. He nodded dumbly and watched as Steve scrawled a messy ‘To Bucky From Steve’ at the bottom of the page before tearing it out the book and sliding it over to him.

“Thank you Steve,” Bucky said sincerely. He let his eyes take in the drawing once more before he tucked it carefully into his wallet.

“No worries, Bucky.” Steve smiled back, “here, you draw me too, then we’ll both have something from each other.”

Bucky laughed out loud at that, “trust me, you don’t want anything I’ve drawn.” Steve just turned pleading puppy dog eyes on him though, so Bucky grabbed the sketchpad with a groan, “fine. Just don’t say I didn’t warn you. And I’m finishing my lunch first.”

Twenty minutes later Bucky was pushing the drawing back to Steve with an ‘I told you so’ look on his face. Steve burst out laughing as soon as he saw the cartoon on the page. Bucky had drawn him sat at a table with a comically huge grin on his face, surrounded by plates and plates of food. There was even a speech bubble coming out of Steve’s head proclaiming, “What? I have a fast metabolism!”

“This is amazing!” Steve said between bouts of laughter. “Sign it for me!”

Bucky did as he was told and signed ‘Bucky’ in obnoxiously large handwriting beneath the drawing, giggling despite himself, “there you go! I hope it’s all you’ve ever dreamed of.”

Steve met his eye, “you know what? I think it is.”

Before Bucky could even think of a response to that, his phone started buzzing in his pocket. 

“Bucky, where are you? You said you’d be here two hours ago!” Becca’s voice rang in his ear.

“Oh shit! I stopped for lunch and totally forgot to text. Sorry Becs.”

“No worries, long as you’re okay. Just need to know if you’ll be here for dinner? Gabby’s cooking and wants to know whether to make enough for you or not.”

“Yeah, I’ll be there for dinner. Actually, I’ll probably be with you in an hour or so.” Bucky looked up and met Steve’s eyes and swore he saw the same disappointment he felt reflected in their blue depths. “I’m just finishing lunch now.”

“Okay, see you in a bit Buck. Drive safe.”

“Will do Becca, love you.” He hung up the phone to see Steve paying their bill. “Hey, let me split that with you.”

“No, it’s my treat Bucky. Least I can do for taking up your whole morning.”

Steve’s smile was sad and Bucky wasn’t having any of it. He leaned across the table and squeezed his hand. “It’s been the best day I ever could have dreamt of after waking up to the shitshow that is my life this morning.”

“Lunch is still my treat.” Steve’s shy smile warmed Bucky from within, “and this has been the best day I’ve had in a long time too, so thank you.”

They walked out of the restaurant still holding hands.

“My car is parked on the other side of town,” Bucky regretfully let go of Steve and stepped away.

“Let me walk with you?”

“Sure,” Bucky smiled. He wasn’t lying when he said spending the day with Steve had been a dream, and he didn’t want it to come to an end. He realised with a shock that he hadn’t thought about the scandal that was currently plastering more than just his face all over every news outlet once since he’d awkwardly explained the situation to Steve in the bakery. He felt safe, somehow impervious to the drama that normally awaited him at every turn. He and Steve had created their own little bubble, and in the safety of knowing they wouldn’t see each other again, had been able to speak candidly about their lives. The only problem was, Bucky didn’t want this to be the end. They reached his car.

“So, I guess this is it?” Steve phrased it like a question, his reluctance to end whatever they had palpable.

Bucky didn’t want to say yes, didn’t want to nod his head and signal that their day was over. So he didn’t. He took Steve’s hands in his again and stepped close, “thank you,” he whispered into the space between them.

Steve slid one of his hands out from Bucky’s and threaded it through his long hair, “I don’t want to say goodbye.”

“So don’t.” Bucky leant forward and Steve met him halfway, their lips meeting in a soft kiss. It was safety, warmth, a melancholy goodbye. A farewell.

It was the last Bucky ever thought he’d see of Steve, and he cherished it.


	2. Chapter 2

**July 2012 - two months later**

The drive from Brooklyn to DC took Bucky 4 hours and 12 minutes. He knew this from the countless trips he’d taken between the cities in the last year, and his sister knew it too. It was the only thing that was keeping Bucky from giving in to the urge to pull his car over and screech to a halt in the small, ever sleepy town on the edge of Maryland. As it was, he’d promised he’d be at hers by 5pm to help set up the party they were throwing for Sam, and he’d deliberately jumped in his car at 12:48, knowing full well that only the threat of Becca’s disappointment could keep him from stopping his car. It didn’t stop him gazing out the windows as he drove through the streets though. It didn’t stop his eyes from snagging on the park he and Steve had walked through, nor the little bistro they’d laughed in. Bucky’s chest hurt. He drove a little faster.

He pulled up to the house Becca and Gabby shared at 5pm on the dot and couldn’t help the soft gasp he let out. Their house was chic and modern without being overly flashy, and was in one of the most sought after neighbourhoods in DC; after Gabby’s career had taken off she’d bought the house, knowing it was much too large for one person but hoping she’d find someone to share it with. Then Bucky introduced her to Becca, and well, the rest was history. Bucky hopped out of his car without taking his eyes off the house which was strewn with innumerable fairy lights and lit up from the inside with warm, golden light. Before he could knock on the door Becca was throwing it wide open.

“Bucky! Come inside, we’ve finished out here but we need you to supervise the cooking while we get ready.”

“Nice to see you too Becs,” Bucky deadpanned.

Becca rolled her eyes but engulfed him in a hug as he walked into the house, “thanks for coming early Buck.” She released him and turned her appraising eyes on him, reminding Bucky eerily of their mother. “You look better.”

“So, what cooking do you need me to do?”

Becca laughed at his attempt to distract her, but let him get away with it. Bucky was under no illusion that this meant he’d gotten away from that particular conversation. The last few months had been rough, to say the least, and he knew he’d have to talk about them at some point. “Well, I’ve got the mains all cooking in the oven and the appetisers just need plating up. So if you could do that then ice the cake when you’re done, that’d be grand.”

“You got it Doc.” Bucky missed the days that calling Becca ‘doctor’ would bring a proud blush to her face, but she wasn’t a freshly graduated medic anymore, and nowadays the nickname was more likely to end in a punch to the arm than a shy smile. And the punches were never half-hearted. “Ow!”

“You actor types are so dramatic,” Becca smirked. “Don’t know what I did wrong to be surrounded by so many.”

“You only know two, idiot,” Bucky snarked right back, “now who’s being dramatic?”

He smirked as he got the appetisers from the fridge; he may be twenty eight, but he was still every inch the big brother who wanted, no needed, to get the last word in. Becca huffed and went upstairs to no doubt complain to Gabby about how annoying he was.

The doorbell went at 6:30, and before Bucky even got to the door he could hear the lively chatter of his best friends. He threw the door open with a, “happy birthday!”

Sam grinned at him and pulled him into a hug, “thanks man! Where are our sisters?”

“Here!” Gabby practically danced down the hall and into her little brother’s arms, “happy birthday Sammy!”

Becca grinned at the scene and ushered everyone in, “c’mon, dinner is gonna be ready in twenty and I don’t want to eat it cold.”

Sam raised his eyebrows and turned to his husband, Riley. “Geez, Becs runs a tighter household than our old Colonel ever did.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Riley laughed. “Oh, and the others were just behind us, so should be here any minute.”

True to his word, they heard a car pull up not a minute later and watched from the doorway as Valkyrie, Carol, and Maria clambered out and carried on the enthusiastic greetings. Bucky found himself pulled into a tight embrace immediately.   
“Hey, shouldn’t the attention be on the birthday boy?” He groused.

Sam wilfully ignored him and Bucky cursed his best friend; he could usually count on him to want to be the centre of attention. It left him to wither under Carol and Val’s stares, but worst of all was the utter care he saw reflected in Maria’s.

“You look like you’re doing well Buck,” she said in her calm manner, “I’m so glad.”

Bucky shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot. “Yeah, well,” he cleared his throat, “Becca says food’s in twenty and she’ll have my head if I delay it.”

Carol snorted, “smooth.”

Val sniggered, but the promise of getting her hands on food and drink outweighed her need to chip in and she happily dragged the group down the hall. Bucky breathed a sigh of relief and followed them. He was hoping to deflect any and all personal questions, and though he knew his efforts would ultimately be futile, he was glad they’d at least gotten him through the first round of questioning.

Bucky saw the others glance around in amazement as they walked through the house. The expansive dining room was decorated to perfection with a light blue tablecloth and a simple centrepiece of pastel coloured flowers. Bucky sat down at his seat next to Sam and noticed there was even a sprig of forget-me-nots delicately placed on each napkin. 

He whistled as everyone tucked into their dinners, “you went all out on the decor today.”

Next to him Sam grinned through a mouthful of potato, “yeah, duh, it’s just their favourite brother’s birthday.”

“Exactly,” Becca agreed smugly.

“He’s not even your brother!” 

“Weird that he’s still my favourite then, isn’t it?”

“You are the worst, Rebecca Barnes.”

“Will you two shut up so I can enjoy my dinner in peace?” Val interjected before Bucky could do something hilarious like flick potato at his sister from across the table. That prank had been a particular favourite of his growing up and he wasn’t being conceited when he said he had impeccable aim. He settled for kicking Becca’s leg under the table.

“So Sam, how’s your birthday been?” Carol questioned.

“Oh you know, same old, same old.”

“Old is right,” Carol sniggered under her breath before letting Sam continue.

“Took a half day to spend with this one,” he nudged his husband of four years, “so only ran two group sessions this morning before heading home.”

“Do anything special?” Maria was looking between Sam and Riley like she knew they were hiding something.

“Well,” Sam drew out the word before unleashing the biggest grin Bucky had ever seen on him. “We were gonna wait to tell you guys, but I can’t keep anything from you lot.” 

He and Riley exchanged a look before practically shouting, “we’re having a baby!”

“The adoption papers went through last week, but I just told Sam this morning as a birthday present,” Riley had tears in his eyes.

The table was silent for all of two seconds before it erupted in shouts of surprise, joy, and congratulations. Everyone leapt out their seat and clamoured to be the first to trap the couple in a hug, but Bucky got there first and had his arms around his best friend before he even knew he was moving.

“I’m so happy for you!” His voice came out choked up and he was embarrassed to feel tears leak from his eyes, “you’re going to be the best dads in the world.”

Sam hugged him back forcefully, “thank you Buck. I’m so happy, I don’t really know what to do with myself.”

Bucky sat back and smiled as he looked around at the group of his closest friends, who were now arguing over who got to be godparents, and marvelled at his luck. They were a mismatched group; after Bucky and Gabby hit it off during the filming of a TV show three years ago he’d been invited to dinner in this very house, where he’d met her brother Sam and his husband Riley, who were both pararescuers with the Air Force at the time. Bucky had immediately taken a liking to Sam, and their friendship had just grown in leaps and bounds from there. The next in their little group had been Becca. After hearing Bucky talk and talk about his new friends, she’d been insistent on meeting them too, but no one could have predicted the spark between her and Gabby; if Bucky wasn’t such a cynic, he’d say it was love at first sight. Sam and Riley had retired from the Air Force shortly after the pair moved in together and had moved back to DC to follow new careers. Sam was a counsellor at the VA and Riley had gone to university to get his teaching qualification. It was there that he’d met Carol and Maria, a couple who’d been Air Force just like he and Sam, but were now retired and happily studying to be aerospace engineers. No one knew exactly how Valkyrie factored into the equation, but she’d shown up with Riley one day after they’d started talking at uni and hadn’t left since. So there they were, two famous actors, one doctor, one counsellor, one teacher, and three ‘too clever for their own good’ engineers. It was weird, but it worked.

“So what happens now with the adoption?” Maria asked.

“Well, we’ve passed all the clearance checks and they’ve deemed us suitable parents, so now we wait for a child that needs us.”

“Any idea how long it will be?” Gabby asked.

“No, the agency said it could be anywhere from a few weeks to months.” Riley explained, “but we’re not in any rush, we’re just so glad we’re on our way to being parents.”

“Yeah,” Sam agreed with a dopey smile on his face, “we don’t mind waiting.”

“Well, I’m just over the moon for you guys!” Gabby clapped her hands together, “you two deserve this so much.”

Becca had tears in her eyes and choked on a laugh when she said, “and soon we’re gonna have to buy a cute little high-chair to put in here for the baby!”

Riley beamed, “well, we might not be adopting a baby at all. We didn’t specify age, so we might have a toddler or an older child, we just don’t know yet.”

“So don’t go rearranging your whole ridiculous mansion just yet,” Sam jokingly pointed at his sister, “I know what you’re like.”

“My house, my rules little brother. You told mum and dad yet?”

“Nope, we’re going up to see them tomorrow and wanted to tell them the news in person.” Sam laughed, “they’re gonna freak.”

“Wish I could be there to see that,” Gabby laughed back.

“They’ll be so happy for you two, just like we are,” Maria raised her glass, “to the new parents!”

Everyone raised their glasses in turn and cheered to the happy couple, the atmosphere in the large dining room elevating to new levels of happiness.   
After the main course was finished Bucky went into the kitchen to retrieve the cake he’d painstakingly iced, a grand two tiered lemon and raspberry affair that had everyone ‘oohing’ and ‘aahing’ as he walked it back to the table, the only light coming from the two candles balanced on top.

“You’re too old to have the corresponding number of candles to your age now buddy,” Bucky teased Sam as he placed the cake down in front of him. 

Sam didn’t rise to the bait, and merely threw Bucky a middle finger as he leant forward to blow the candles out. Pieces of cake were passed around, and the wine continued to flow.

“When are we next seeing our resident stars back on our screens?” Riley asked once the talk about the baby died down.

“That film I did a few months ago comes out in August.” Bucky said, turning his attention from scraping his plate back to his friends.

“The one where you had that stupid long hair?”

“Thanks Carol,” Bucky deadpanned, too used to his friend’s blunt sense of humour to get offended, “but yeah, that’s the one.”

“It any good?”

“I damn well hope so,” Bucky bit out a laugh, “could do with some good press at the moment.”

Becca squeezed his shoulder as she got up to get another few bottles of wine, “at least everything’s died down now.”

“And the lawsuit against what’s-his-name went through okay?” Carol questioned, her normally concealed concern bleeding into her voice. “Because you know me and Val’s offer of beating him up for you still stands.”

Bucky grinned at her, but before he could reply Maria cut in, “babe, how many times do I have to tell you that would be a terrible idea?”

“Aww, but imagine how much fun it would be!” Carol’s voice was too innocent for what she was talking about, and Bucky had to smother his laughter before Maria turned her glare on him.

“You’re no fun Maria.” Val said, “my crew from back home would totally back us up in the fight, there would be nothing to worry about.”

“Somehow that doesn’t put me at ease.”

Val waved her off, “if you’d met the other girls you’d get it.”

“Are we ever going to meet your famed group of friends?” Sam asked, “I bet they’re a damn sight cooler than these idiots.”

Val’s grin was pure trouble, “these lot couldn’t handle them, but I could make an exception for you Sammy.”

“Would you two stop flirting for one second, geez.” Bucky grumbled, “I’m sick of being surrounded by love all the time, you’re supposed to be single with me Val.” Bucky didn’t realise his mistake until it was too late. Mentioning love, and his lack thereof, around his friends never ended well for him. 

“Not to mention the loving husband that’s right here,” Riley deadpanned, but he was too busy laughing at the pair of them for it to hold any credence.

“What about your mystery captain?” Gabby ignored Riley and jumped on the chance to bring Steve up.

Carol sighed in a poor imitation of heartbreak, “we’ve been over this, Buckaroo, you know I’m happily taken.”

“Shut up Carol.” Bucky resisted the urge to bury his head in his hands, but only just.

“Ooh, what mystery captain?” Maria was leaning forward now, her elbows balanced on the table as she glanced between Bucky and Gabby.

“First off, he’s not my anything.”

“He could be.”

“Gabby, leave it.” Bucky knew his tone was harsh, but he’d had this discussion with her before and he was not in the mood to hear it again. This was supposed to be Sam’s birthday dinner, not a bloody interview.

“I’m just saying, if it’s meant to be then you’ll meet him again. I just know it.” Gabby had a romantic streak a mile long and when she had her mind set on something it was almost impossible to distract her from it. It was not a great combination for Bucky.

“Yeah, I’ll believe that when I see it. Life ain’t no romcom, no matter what the rest of you think.”

“Okay, seriously, who is this mystery man?” Maria couldn’t take it anymore.

Bucky opened his mouth to say “no one”, but at that exact moment Becca came back from the wine cellar, “ooh are we talking about Bucky’s star-crossed lover? I love this story.”

“Oh look, more wine and an opportunity to embarrass Bucky, this evening is turning out swell,” Val opened a bottle effortlessly and begun refilling everyone’s glasses.

Becca sat down and spread her hands like she was reciting a well-known story, “our story starts two months ago, on the fateful day that Bucky’s absolute dick of an ex-boyfriend got mad and, well you know how that bit of the story goes.” Bucky banged his head on the table, but no one seemed to notice. “On his way over to see his wise sister he pulled over in a small town on the edge of the city to answer her call.” Her voice lost its storytime feel for just a minute, “you’re welcome, by the way.”

“Yes, I’m forever in your debt oh wise one.” Bucky hated his life.

“As our poor Bucky made his way into a local bakery, downtrodden and sad, who did he bump into but a dashing Captain, stopping in the town for a quick refresh before carrying on his lonely roadtrip. The fates collided that day, as did the two men, and Bucky ended up with orange juice spilt down his top and a connection that would last forever.” Becca had to stop there to laugh, but promptly cleared her throat and dove straight back into her story, “the Captain bought our Bucky a new shirt, but he was so enamoured by his beauty he didn’t want to say goodbye, so offered to buy him a coffee. The coffee turned into a walk, which turned into lunch, and before they knew it, they’d spilled their hearts to one another and thus cemented their love which could never come to be. A kiss acted as their farewell, and our hero Bucky made his way to his sister’s house in a daze, never once realising he’d failed to pick up the bread he had promised her.”

Bucky lifted his head from the table and shot his sister a glare. She looked far too smug for her own good, and Bucky looked around the table to try and get sympathy from someone, but to his disgust everyone was hanging on to her every word.

“You missed my favourite bit,” Gabby gushed. “The bit where the Captain drew a portrait of Bucky, that Bucky keeps folded up in his wallet.”

“You’re the worst kind of snake,” Bucky groaned, “I showed you that in confidence!”

“You have it here?” Sam glanced over at him.

“Yes,” Bucky sighed long-suffering, “it’s in my wallet.”

“On it!” Val and Carol shot up from their seats and rushed out of the room. “I’ll check the kitchen, you check his car.” Bucky heard Carol shout out orders.

“Look, we had one amazing day, but that’s it! There’s so much about the guy I don’t know.” Bucky despaired. He could admit to himself that he wasn’t as over it as he wanted his friends to think, and after three glasses of wine the truth was coming out. “And knowing my luck, he’d be bad too. Everyone I like ends up being bad.”

“Well, what do you know about him?” Sam said as Carol and Val came rushing back in, brandishing the sketch in their hands. They passed it over and Sam whistled, “shit, whoever he is, he damn well knows how to draw.”

“I don’t know anymore than what I told Becs and Gabby the day it happened. His name is Steve, he’s a captain in the army but he’s on leave, he’s about two inches taller than me, broad, blonde, and has an amazing beard. And he can draw, obviously.” He didn’t add that Steve had lost almost everyone and carried that pain around with him. That wasn’t his information to share.

“He doesn’t happen to carry around a huge red, white, and blue shield does he?” Carol cracked up.

Bucky shot her a glare, “funnily enough, I think I’d notice that.”

“Look man, if you really had a connection with this guy, that’s great. Let it serve as a reminder that you can meet good people, especially when you don’t mean to.” Sam was the voice of reason in their group, and he always knew what to say to make Bucky feel better. “Don’t get hung up on the ‘what could have beens’ with a guy you met once, it won’t do you any favours.”

“I’m not,” Bucky insisted, even though Steve had been cropping up in his thoughts more often than he’d like. “And I never said I wanted to date him, or anyone, in the first place.”

“You just gotta open your heart up again Buck, trust in the goodness of people a little.” Gabby said earnestly.

Bucky couldn’t help the sharp bark of laughter that escaped from him, “that’s easy for you to say.”

“We’ve all been through some shit Buck.” 

“Then you should know what I’m talking about.”

“And I also know there’s no way to get over it other than to get back out there.” Gabby pushed. Bucky knew she meant well, he really did, but it wasn’t easy getting advice on how to move on from a woman who’d fallen head over heels in love and had stayed that way.

“Look, a whole lotta me is out there right now and I’m still trying to deal with that. But I am, okay? I’m seeing my therapist once a week again and everything. Can’t that be enough for now? I don’t need to jump into another relationship to prove to myself I’m getting better, and I shouldn’t have to go that far to convince you guys of it either.”

The table fell silent at his outburst. “Sorry,” Bucky sighed, “I don’t want to snap, but I just need you to understand that I’m not ready and pushing isn’t gonna help.”

“Sorry Buck, we just want you to be happy. We don’t mean to pressure you.” Becca gripped his hand from across the table.

“You guys do make me happy, just by being my friends and having my back.”

“Well you know we’ll always do that.”

“Yeah even if you have another three scandals in one year.” Carol piped up, trying to lighten the tension in the room. It worked.

“Carol!” Becca admonished. 

Bucky laughed, “nah, it’s fair enough. This year has been an absolute shitshow.”

“Cheers to that,” Val raised her glass up to confused expressions and raised eyebrows.

“Did you not get a huge promotion this year Val?” Riley glanced down the table at her.

Maria confirmed it, “yeah, you totally have it all together right now.”

“Hey, can’t a girl just cheers to what she wants? I just wanted another drink.”

“Ah, and the truth comes out at last.” Gabby said theatrically.

The moment passed and Bucky breathed out a sigh of relief. It felt good to get that off his chest, and he wasn’t lying when he said he didn’t want to date Steve, or anyone, right then. He was finally focusing on himself and it felt great. As much as he couldn’t get Steve out of his head, he knew it was for the best that they’d had one day together and left it at that. He just wasn’t ready for anything more, and he suspected Steve felt the same. He’d always carry the memory of their day together close to his heart, and secretly he dreamed they’d meet again, and this time be ready for each other.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and they meet again! enjoy :D

**September 2012 - two months later**

Bucky couldn’t stop fidgeting as his PR manager looked over his suit and checked his microphone was working. He knew his nerves were misplaced; he’d been on innumerable talk shows before and they’d all been absolutely fine. But he hadn’t had to face a live TV audience since those photos leaked, and he didn’t know how to deal with it. He’d made leaps and bounds in dealing with his anxiety over the situation, but talking about it in front of thousands wasn’t his idea of fun. He’d need a miracle to get out of this one. And to make matters worse, he was sharing the stage with Captain America and Iron Man. Sure, Tony Stark had his fair share of scandals in his youth, but the man was a literal superhero now, and even when he wasn’t flying around saving people he was developing clean energy and giving millions to charity. Bucky wanted to sink right through the floor.

“You’ll be on in 5, Mr Barnes,” a producer poked her head into his changing room, “they’re bringing Captain America and Iron Man out first, then you’re up.” She left the room as abruptly as she’d entered it.

“Brilliant,” Bucky mumbled as his collar was adjusted for the tenth time, “not at all intimidating.”

His complaints fell on deaf ears and before he knew it he was standing behind a door listening to the roars of the crowd as literal superheroes were paraded around. He barely had time to take a breath before the door automatically opened and he was bathed in bright light. The charming smile he pasted on his face was pure reflex and he let the sounds of the studio buzz around his head as he walked over to the presenter, an eccentric man who nicknamed himself ‘The Grandmaster’, but one sound stood out from the rest.

An incredulous, “Bucky?”

That wasn’t right. Nobody outside of his close family and friends knew that nickname. He was James Barnes in public, and he was damn well James Barnes on talk shows like this. He swivelled around and came face to face with the last person he’d expected to see.

“Steve?” Bucky knew he was gaping, but his brain was not computing what he was seeing, “you’re Steve _Rogers?”_

The man in front of him was the Steve from his memories, there was no denying that. Without the beard he looked different, somehow older and younger simultaneously, but Bucky would recognise those eyes anywhere. Steve blushed, and Bucky didn’t think it had anything to do with the hot studio lighting, “umm, yeah.”

“What the fuck?” Bucky was dimly aware of both Tony and the Grandmaster staring at them, and he was subconsciously grateful that this was a late night show and he didn’t need to censor his language. He didn’t think he could.

Steve laughed and stepped closer to him, “what are you doing here? You told me you were a mechanic!”

“Yeah, well in my defence it doesn’t seem like you were being totally honest either.” 

Steve laughed disbelievingly and crossed the distance between them in two large steps, pulling Bucky into his arms unceremoniously. “It’s so good to see you Buck.”

Bucky was helpless to do anything but raise his arms and hug back.

They were interrupted by Tony Stark clearing his throat, “you gonna introduce me to your pal, Capsicle?”

Steve stepped back and glanced between them guiltily, but before he could say anything the Grandmaster ushered them all to sit down on the gold sofa.

“So,” he said, leaning forward and turning his made-up eyes on them, “who the hell is Bucky?”

The blush that rose to Bucky’s cheeks was humiliating, but he pushed through it, “it’s a childhood nickname.” At the lack of understanding on the Grandmaster’s face he continued, “Full name’s James Buchanan Barnes - little sister couldn’t pronounce Buchanan and decided since she had a friend called James, I couldn’t use that name either, so I was christened Bucky. Kind of stuck, now all my friends use it.”

“And that’s what you two are, friends?” Tony had a wicked grin on his face. “Can’t believe you’ve been holding out on me Cap. And here I thought I was the most famous person you knew.”

“I did too,” Steve still looked a little disbelieving himself.

Bucky steeled himself and looked him in the eye, “I’m an actor, not a mechanic. Sorry for not telling you, it’s just that you were so kind to me even when you didn’t know who I was. I didn’t want to break the spell.”

“No Buck, it’s fine. I didn’t tell you who I was either.” He smiled and added sheepishly, “I kind of thought you knew and were just too polite to mention it, though.”

Bucky laughed suddenly, “now you mention it, the amount of food you ate that day suddenly makes so much sense. I knew you couldn’t have a body like that and eat half the menu of a diner at the same time. Fast metabolism my ass.”

Steve laughed, a straight from the belly kind of laugh that transformed his whole face, “technically that wasn’t even a lie!”

Tony was obviously sick of not being included in the conversation and caught the Grandmaster’s eyes, “I think these two should let us in on the joke, don’t you?”

“Fine, fine,” Steve stopped laughing and addressed Tony. “You know I went on that roadtrip after New York? Well, I met Bucky in a town near DC and we got chatting, spent the day together, and then I umm…came back.”

“Wait. _James Barnes_ is the reason you came home?”

“Yeah,” Steve ducked his head, and the gesture was oddly reminiscent of a much smaller man.

“So you could ignore me building a whole floor of my tower for you, but a pair of pretty eyes had you running back? I see how it is!” Tony obviously wasn’t shy about laying on the theatrics, but it made Bucky like him a little more. It wasn’t everyday you met someone in the limelight who didn’t take themselves too seriously, so people like Tony were a breath of fresh air in an otherwise polluted world. 

“Well, they are a very pretty set of eyes,” Steve quipped right back, “and yours is a very ugly tower.”

“You know, dear old dad never mentioned how much of a pain in the ass you are.”

“Yeah well, he wasn’t exactly a summer breeze either.”

Tony snorted and clapped Steve on the shoulder, “knew there was a reason I kept you around.”

“So what was it about James that got you to go home?” Grandmaster asked, “it sounds like you planned to stay away before that chance meeting.”

Steve shuffled in his seat, “he helped me put things in perspective, made me see that I wasn’t doing myself or my team any favours by trying to find myself on the road when I should have been helping them and getting help in return.” He turned his shining eyes on Bucky, “and hey, sometimes there’s nothing kinder than a stranger’s ear.”

Bucky’s heart practically melted at hearing his own words from that day repeated back to him. It was obvious that day had meant as much to Steve as it did to him, and that knowledge gave him the confidence to say, “I’m glad we’re not strangers anymore.”

“Well, isn’t this cute!” The Grandmaster cooed in a false tone, “America’s golden boy meets America’s most notorious playboy!”

Bucky shifted in his seat uncomfortably. He knew the Grandmaster wasn’t going to beat around the bush on that particular topic. It was one of the reasons his manager had chosen this show; the Grandmaster was brutal, but once you gave him an answer he liked, he moved on and preferred to joke around than to grill his interviewees.

“I thought I held that title,” Tony joked, glancing at Bucky out the corner of his eye. If Bucky didn’t know better, he’d say he could see concern in there.

The Grandmaster waved him off theatrically, “you? You’ve been scandal free for years - boring! This guy on the other hand,” he laughed, “he keeps us gossip mongers fed.”

“I’m glad I could be of service,” Bucky knew the only way through was to joke about it, and he tried his best to amp up the charm.

“That you are my friend. Since you burst on the scene five years ago, there’s practically never been a month you aren’t in the papers. And this time we got a whole lot more of you than expected,” he gave Bucky a lascivious wink. “It was quite the surprise.”

“Yeah, imagine how I felt.” Bucky’s smile was tight, “wasn’t exactly what I was expecting to wake up to that day.”

“I bet. As much as I love to follow the gossip columns, there’s a line and whoever published those photos of you crossed it.”

Bucky breathed a sigh of relief. He thought he’d have to justify what happened and rehash the whole story by explaining he never wanted those photos out there. He never thought people might actually be on his side.

“How did you deal with the fallout?” The Grandmaster continued.

“Well, I actually met Steve the day they were leaked.” Bucky glanced over at Steve, and saw that he was looking at him with eyes full of concern and kindness, “I was on my way to see my sister and had to stop off on the way to pick her up some things. Which someone distracted me from getting, by the way.”

“Hey! Not my fault!” 

“Definitely your fault,” Bucky’s smile was coming easier now and he felt his shoulders relax from their tense hold, “who else’s fault would it be?” He laughed along with Steve, “anyway, talking to Steve really helped. And of course, my friends and family always have my back.”

“Your fellow actress and old co-star Gabriella Wilson was very vocal in her support of you.”

Bucky nodded and smiled gratefully, “me and Gabby are really close, and it’s so amazing to me that I have her support.”

“You two famously came out at the same time, does that play into your support of each other?”

“Massively, yeah. We got chatting on set and immediately hit it off, and when we realised we were both in the closet but wanting to come out, we thought ‘screw it, let’s just do it together’ and that was that. It made everything so much easier knowing we had each other’s back through it all. She’s like family to me.” 

He saw Steve look over at him and smile as he was speaking and he felt his own smile grow in response. After hiding who he was for the first year of his career, it felt great to be able to speak so candidly about his sexuality now, and he knew he wore that pride on his face for everyone to see.

“And are the rumours that she actually is family to you true? People have spotted her out and about with a woman who looks suspiciously like she could be your sister.”

Bucky grinned, large and full of trouble, “no comment.”

The Grandmaster stared at Bucky with narrowed eyes, but Bucky merely let his smile grow bigger until the other man gave up.

“Fine! Tell me about this new film you’re in then.”

The rest of the interview passed quickly and without issue; after Bucky was done promoting his new film, the Grandmaster quickly became bored of him and turned to Tony instead. The pair bounced off each other crazily, each anecdote getting more and more outlandish as the interview drew to a close. Bucky had almost forgotten that the two superheroes must be on the show to promote something themselves until Steve segued into it.

“We really came here to announce that the rebuilding of New York after the invasion is now complete, and as a show of our appreciation towards the first responders who were invaluable in ensuring the safety of thousands of civilians, the Avengers are holding a charity fundraiser in which all proceeds will go to the police, fire service, and hospitals.”

“Yes! And we’re going to be hosting a prize draw, where tickets are $1 and you’ll be in with the chance of winning an all expenses paid trip to New York where you’ll get a tour of the Tower and have the chance to meet the whole team.”

Bucky’s eyebrows shot up. That was one heck of a prize. “Might just have to enter that one myself,” he drawled, letting a bit of flirtation into his tone.

Steve caught his eye and grinned, but before he could respond Tony scoffed and muttered, “yeah, like that’s the only way you’ll get your own private tour.”

Steve playfully shoved at Tony’s head, who made a show of dramatically listing sideways. The Grandmaster laughed at their antics, “we’re almost out of time, but before we go could you let the good people know how things are with the rest of the Avengers? It seems that people have become rather attached to your ragtag group.”

Steve smiled, and it was full of genuine happiness, something that had been missing just a few months before, “we’re good. Thor’s flitting between Earth and Asgard at the moment.”

Tony interrupted with a sly grin, “we’re pretty sure he has a mysterious beau somewhere, but he won’t kiss and tell.”

“How boring,” Bucky cut in, his tone dripping with irony.

“I know right!”

Steve carried on, ignoring both of them, “Bruce spends 90% of his time in the lab Tony built him, so I can only assume he’s in his element down there. Natasha is like the little sister I never had, but don’t let her hear that, she’s convinced she’s the older sibling.”

“Those two are a match made in hell, I’m telling you. Introducing them is the worst thing I’ve ever done.” 

Steve smirked, “we like pulling pranks on Tony.”

Bucky laughed, “Captain America and the Black Widow does sound like a corny team-up show.”

Tony sent daggers with his glare, “please, _please,_ don’t give them ideas.”

“Would you make a guest appearance Buck?” Steve tilted his head faux innocently as he asked.

“Anything for you, Cap.” Bucky shot back without a moment’s hesitation, enjoying the comfortable banter between them. 

“Anyway,” Tony interrupted them, “Clint’s a bit of a wildcard. Sometimes we don’t see him for weeks and it turns out he’s been doing whatever spy stuff he does as a day job, then he’ll turn up in the Tower and we’ll find him teaching his protégée in the gym like he never left. That or he’s walking his dog, or annoying all of us. And last but never least, I, like the gracious man I am, spend most of my time getting Gramps over here caught up on 70 years of history.”

Steve played along, “we’re currently on 90’s music.”

Grandmaster grimaced, “good luck with that. Well that’s all we have time for on tonight’s show. Go forth and save the world.” He gestured grandly to the two superheros and made a show of glancing over at Bucky, “or make some great movies. Either works.”

As the studio lights dimmed down, they were all ushered off the stage and Bucky was suddenly gripped with the panic that this would be an ending all over again, and he wouldn’t see Steve for another four months. He couldn’t do that again, not after having him in the back of his head for so long, a bright spot amid the panic and gloom of the last year. Before they could be separated once more, he reached out and snagged Steve’s hand. He wasn’t sure if it was courage or just plain desperation that fuelled the action, but he knew he couldn’t let this man go again. Bucky would never admit it, but he heard Gabby’s words in the back of his mind at that moment, _‘if it’s meant to be then you’ll meet him again.’_ Maybe she was right, and it was time for him to take a leap of faith after all.

“So you went back to New York?” Bucky could tell his tone was overly earnest, but the look on Steve’s face told him he didn’t mind, or even notice. In fact, his grin was equally as hopeful. 

“Yeah, haven’t really ventured back to Brooklyn yet, but it’s baby steps.”

“And you’re feeling better?” Bucky knew he was in too deep by the way he cared about the answer. 

“Yeah, Buck, yeah I really am. Are you?”

“Infinitely better. No more asshole dates yet, anyway.”

“Well that I’m glad to hear.”

“You?” _Please say no, please say no._

“What? Oh, no. I have got a surprising number of friends though. It’s nice.” Bucky grinned at his answer, definitely too enthusiastically, but Steve returned it straight away. Steve lowered his voice and glanced around, checking that everyone around them was too busy to pay them any attention, before continuing, “I want to say thank you, for that day. You helped me more than you ever could have known, and honestly?” He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly as his cheeks turned rosy, “I still don’t want to say goodbye to you.”

“So don’t,” Bucky echoed his own words from four months ago and stepped closer to Steve, distantly aware that he was still holding the other man’s hand.

“James?” His PR manager interrupted them and Bucky groaned, inwardly and outwardly, much to Steve’s amusement. “Your car’s waiting.”

“Thanks,” he replied politely before turning back to Steve, disappointment written in every line of his body. “Guess that’s my cue.”

“Can I give you my number?” Steve blurted out, “maybe we can see each other in a more normal date scenario?”

“Date?” Bucky felt like his smile was about to split in two, “Definitely. I know the best breakfast spot in the city, I’ll take you.”

“Yeah?” Steve was pink in the face, but his blue eyes glistened bright and happy as he put his number in Bucky’s phone, “let me know the time and place.”

Bucky nodded dumbly, and in a fit of bravery rose up on his toes to press a light kiss to the corner of Steve’s mouth. He barely caught his answering smile before he was being ushered out of the studio and into his waiting car. He felt like a lovesick teenager as he peered down at the contact information Steve had left in his phone, bubbles of happiness rising within him and leaving his mouth in a stunned laugh. He took a screenshot and immediately sent it to the group chat he shared with his friends, captioning the photo ‘guess it was meant to be.’ The car drove on and Bucky felt giddy as he read his friends’ reponses, something akin to hope keeping the smile firmly planted on his face all the way home.


	4. Chapter 4

**September 2012 - the next day**

Bucky woke early, his head muddled as his body made the transition from sleep to wakefulness. He sat up in bed, yawned loudly, and shook his head. He couldn’t wrap his head around what had happened the day before, it was all too surreal, like something out of one of Gabby’s romance novels. He grabbed at his phone on the nightstand and ignored all of his notifications, clicking through to his contacts list with a single minded intensity. And there in black and white, and yellow and pink and red - Steve had added a nice row of emojis after his name, the idiot - was Steve’s name and number. Bucky glanced at the time, 6:23am, and wondered whether it would come across as too keen to message him so early. He hesitated for all of ten seconds before he threw caution to the wind, and his fingers flew over the screen and hit send in a blur.

To Steve: hey, it’s Bucky. Promise I wasn’t lying when I said I know the best breakfast joint in NY. You fancy pancakes?

He didn’t have to wait long for a reply.

From Steve: Well I do fancy an orange juice :)

Bucky snorted at that, vivid flashbacks to having orange juice seep through his shirt at the forefront of his mind, and shot back a reply within seconds.

To Steve: you’re a little shit, you know that?

From Steve: :) 

Bucky shook his head, planning to ask what time suited Steve best, but before he could send a message another came through.

From Steve: out for a run right now, but will be presentable and very hungry at 8, if that works for you?

To Steve: perfect, I’ll text you the address  
To Steve: but you have to promise not to eat every damn pancake in the place, I want some too

From Steve: we’ll see! Xoxo

Bucky blamed Tony for the ‘xoxo’s’. There was no other rational explanation. Laughing to himself, he opened his message app with the intention of letting all his friends know that Captain America texted like a teenager, but he stopped in his tracks when he saw how many unread messages he had.

Becca: your steve is captain america steve? What even is your life buck  
Becca: hope you’re prepared for how much mum and dad are gonna flip  
Gabby : I TOLD YOU! YOU CAN’T OUTRUN DESTINY JAMES BUCHANAN BARNES! I’M SO HAPPY!  
Becca: Sorry about gabby, i’ve distracted her for now but she’ll be screaming at you again in 10. Happy for you buck xx  
Maria: Well at least we don’t have to worry about this one being bad  
Carol: Lmao i told u he was cptn usa i cant believe i predicted this  
Sam: Captain America???? Duuuude  
Riley: Can you please stop making my husband jealous with your new boo  
Gabby: IT WAS MEANT TO BE!  
Val: Drinks to celebrate the new lover?  
Sam: but seriously, when’s the wedding?  
Maria: we better get to meet him before there’s any wedding bells  
Carol: for real, i gotta give him the shovel talk  
Maria: you are NOT going to threaten Captain America   
Carol: :D  
Val: i’m in 

He couldn’t help but laugh out loud at his friends’ reactions.

Bucky: i think i might be in shock  
Sam: I am too! I can’t believe you got Captain freaking America to flirt with you on live TV  
Bucky: shit, we didn’t come on too strong did we?  
Becca: no you’re good. But when you said “I’m glad we’re not strangers anymore” I think you broke the hearts of thousands  
Sam: he literally said your eyes were pretty in front of the whole nation  
Val: the power u hold man, grown men fall at ur feet. Hilarious  
Bucky: it’s the Barnes charm  
Gabby: it works on girls too lol!  
Carol: yes we know, you fell in love with Becca at first sight blah blah  
Gabby: don’t forget it  
Becca: <3 

Bucky put his phone down and started gathering things for a shower, but glanced back down at the screen when he heard his message alert chime. And, oh no, it wasn’t great.

Mother Barnes: Hi Bucky! Your father and I were out dancing last night so didn’t catch you on that talk show, but we’ve got our breakfast ready and we’re going to watch it now. I know you were nervous about going on after everything that happened, but I’m sure you did great sweetheart. Remember we love you always, no matter what! Xxxxx 

Bucky ran his hand through his hair, thinking. What was the appropriate response in a situation like this? His parents had always been loving and supportive when he and Becca were growing up, and always made sure they had everything they needed. But Bucky didn’t think they expected him to become quite so famous after he’d haltingly told them he didn’t want to be a lawyer like dad or a professor like mum, but wanted to pursue a career in acting instead. They’d stood by him throughout it all, through the quick rise to fame and the trouble that came after it, and Bucky had paid back the love they’d given him as best he could. They were a close family; although Becca lived in DC now, and his parents had moved further upstate once both of them had moved out, the four of them always made time to see each other outside of their main family get togethers of Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, when it felt like even the most distantly related of their cousins descended into New York. Still, he wasn’t sure how his parents would take the news that he not only knew Captain America, but was now going on a date with him. He should probably warn them.

From Bucky: I promise I’ll explain what you’re about to watch when we have dinner on Friday! But I need to get ready to see Steve (please don’t freak out!) so I’ll have to put all of your no doubt wildly speculative questions to rest a bit later. Love you both x

That was the best he could do for now. His mum would surely call him later to either get his measurements for a wedding suit or to worry over him getting involved with someone new. It wouldn’t matter to her that the person was the symbol of freedom and morality, if someone was interested in her son her protective streak was something to behold. It had only gotten worse after the Battle of New York, where she’d had to watch as Bucky ushered her and his dad to safety, only to get trapped himself as the building they were in started to collapse. Bucky knew how much that had affected her, how scared she’d been that her son could be dying in front of her while she was left a helpless bystander, and it terrified Bucky too. He’d struggled and struggled to get free, but his left arm had been hopelessly pinned down and there was nothing he could have done. As he’d succumbed to the blood loss, the last thing he’d seen was his father’s terrified eyes and his mother’s tears. The nightmares from that day still haunted him, and he knew his parents suffered in the same way. And now, without the power to stop any physical harm that could come Bucky’s way, his mother had taken to trying to shield him from more emotional trauma.

Bucky was lost in thought as he turned the shower on and stepped under the hot spray, automatically reaching for his shampoo. As surreal as it was that he was now going on a date with Steve Rogers, it didn’t feel that strange to him; in a weird way it made perfect sense. He’d spent the last four months with the image of a man and the name ‘Steve’ floating through his head, and like most cases where his brain was allowed to wander, he’d conjured up a fantastical image in his mind, filling in all the blanks their first meeting had left with whatever took his fancy. It was a balm on his worst days, being able to think of this perfect person he’d been able to meet but never keep. But now, knowing who Steve really was, he threw all of the other stuff away. It wasn’t real, not like the way Steve was real when he smiled at him when he’d walked into that studio, or the way he’d kept hold of his hand while he put his number in Bucky’s phone. And that was another thing - Steve was a celebrity, for lack of a better word, he was in Bucky’s world and he knew the highs and lows that came with that. As crazy as it seemed, maybe Steve would get him. Maybe, just maybe, he would be the one to stick around.

Bucky was dressed in his most flattering jeans and a cute but casual tee, waiting by his front door and spinning his phone around and around in his hand by 7:30. The breakfast place was a ten minute walk from his apartment, but he didn’t think he could stand the waiting any longer. He texted the address of the place to Steve and worried his bottom lip between his teeth, knowing he was toeing an invisible line by inviting Steve to meet him in Brooklyn. Especially after he’d admitted that he hadn’t really gone back yet. He really hoped he wasn’t pushing too much, too soon.

To Steve: if you don’t want to come all the way over here, I can hop on the subway and meet you in Manhattan? Gabby’s been bugging me to check out a cafe over your way we could go to.

He hoped the out he was giving Steve wasn’t too obvious. He continued fiddling before he got annoyed at himself and threw his phone onto his kitchen counter, picking up a dishcloth and wiping down his already clean counters, just for something to occupy his hands with.

From Steve: you can’t promise me the best pancakes in NY then back out!!  
From Steve: (thank you for offering though)  
From Steve: ((but I need to come back some time and I’d rather do it with you))

Bucky’s chest felt warm, and he waltzed out the door without looking back. If Steve could say stuff like that, Bucky could be ten minutes early to their first official date. Or at least that’s how he justified it.

The breakfast place he recommended sat proudly at the corner of the street, its cheerful white and yellow awning bouncing in the slight breeze, and Bucky’s mouth watered at just the sight of it. He and Becca always used to save up their allowance then splash out on a huge plate of food at this place when they were kids, and the waitstaff all knew him by name and were always careful to keep his identity a secret. This place was good memories and nice people all wrapped up in one delicious bundle, and Bucky couldn’t wait to share it with Steve. 

Despite arriving early, Bucky didn’t have to wait long for the other man, and caught sight of his broad shoulders and tousled blonde hair after only a minute of waiting. Bucky chuckled as he watched Steve open the restaurant door, his shoulders hunched like he could make himself appear smaller as his gaze darted around before settling on Bucky. The smile that graced his features then put any nerves Bucky was feeling to rest.

“Hey,” he sat down in the seat opposite from Bucky’s, but not before leaning over and pecking him on the cheek.

“Hey,” Bucky was sure he was blushing stupidly, “you find the place okay?”

Steve caught his meaning and huffed a self-deprecating laugh, “yeah. Don’t know why I was so worried about coming back to Brooklyn, but I built up this crazy mental wall that kept stopping me coming back. But it’s still home.”

“I don’t think anyone has ever successfully escaped Brooklyn,” Bucky laughed, “Bec’s been living in DC for a year and despite being the most stupidly loved up woman in the country, she’s always going on about how much she misses it down here.”

“Is this the same sister that may or may not be dating Gabriella Wilson?”

Bucky laughed, surprised Steve remembered that detail from the interview with everything else that was going on, “if I tell you, you gotta promise to keep it a secret.”

It was Steve’s turn to laugh then, “it feels like I spend my whole life keeping state secrets, what’s one more?”

“You make a fair point. Okay, I trust you,” he said mock seriously, leaning forward and beckoning Steve closer so he could make a show about whispering the information, “Becca and Gabby have been going out for nearly three years.”

Steve made a show of sitting back with wide eyes, his voice stupidly awed, “no way! Oh, I’m definitely telling Nat. Turns out she’s a big fan of that TV show you and Gabby were in.”

“Don’t you dare, you ass!” Bucky laughed at Steve’s attempt to fool him, and the last of the apprehension he was feeling melted away. In all the months he’d spent thinking and fantasising about their first day together, he’d somehow forgotten how easy it was just to be around Steve, to laugh and joke like neither of them had any other problems.

Their waitress, Mandy, came over then and caught Bucky’s eyes knowingly, raising her eyebrows after looking Steve up and down, surreptitiously sending him a thumbs up behind her pad of paper. The way Steve’s cheeks immediately went pink made Bucky think the action hadn’t been as slick as Mandy had hoped. He grinned through reciting his order and watched as Steve got even pinker when Mandy turned her attention to him. It was hilarious, and he couldn’t help but lean forward in his seat after she left, intent on messing with the wonderful man in front of him just a little more.

“So, the Black Widow thinks I’m cute?”

It was totally worth it for the betrayed look Steve shot his way.

**October 2012 - three weeks later**

Bucky stared in dismay at his agent, “how did we just find out about this now?”

“I don’t know.” To her credit, Bettina did look sorry, and Bucky knew this wasn’t her fault. She was a complete professional, and in their four years of working together she’d never sprung anything like this on him. Just his luck that it was happening now. “But the studio called this morning and they’re adamant that filming has to start in two days. Something about the location permits not going through properly, now they only have a couple weeks to get what they need.

“So I’m flying to London tonight.” Bucky was resigned. He’d been looking forward to shooting this film, it was something completely new for him and he hoped it would help cement him as a frontrunner for more critically acclaimed roles. But he was supposed to have another week to prepare for the international trip. He could think of three things he’d have to cancel at the drop of a hat, and five more he’d have to rearrange. Plus packing last minute for things like this was always a chore. “Okay, I better get myself ready then.”

“Great, thanks for being so easy about this James, I know it’s not easy.” Bettina smiled his way before furiously typing away at her computer once more, “oh, and Mark will have the flight details and tickets sent to your phone within the next few hours.”

“You’re a star, Betty.” Bucky grinned at her as he waltzed out of her office, his phone already in hand and ready to let multiple people down, “I ever tell you that?”

“Get outta here Barnes, your charm won’t work on me!” She shouted after him, and Bucky could hear her laughter as he headed to the elevator.

To ‘the only group chat that matters’: being sent to london this evening, gonna have to raincheck on dinner, so sorry :( really wanted you to meet Steve. Will make it up to you with crap souvenirs

From Becca: if you don’t buy me one of those stupid Union Jack flag hats like Joey gets I’m disowning you  
Sam: seconded. Also, please get one and stick it on your patriotic bf’s stupidly handsome head  
Riley: I s2g Sam, if I have to hear you wax poetic about Captain America’s ‘perfect everything’ one more time  
Sam: you know I love you more!  
Bucky: on second thought, postponing him meeting you idiots definitely isn’t a bad thing

To Steve: filming for that film i was telling you about the other day has been pushed forward and i have to leave tonight :( i know the timing sucks, but there’s nothing i can do. I’m sorry babydoll

From Steve: don’t worry about it Buck, I’m just sad I won’t get to meet your friends yet!  
From Steve: and babydoll?

To Steve: hey, thought i’d try out a pet name you might be more familiar with. You know, with you being around when it was invented and all

From Steve: oh fuck you Barnes

To Steve: rude!! I’m totally telling the media you swear like a sailor now

From Steve: *soldier

To Steve: fair enough

From Steve: when’s your flight?

To Steve: not sure yet, but late tonight probably, why?

From Steve: I could come over and help you pack?

To Steve: bring food <3 

From Steve: yes dearest

Bucky unlocked his apartment and couldn’t help the forlorn sigh that escaped him. Things had been going so well with Steve, and for the past three weeks they’d somehow managed to see each other at least twice a week despite both of them having hectic schedules. Sure, some of their dates just ended up with them watching movies Steve hadn’t seen yet and curling up on the couch, but they were still together and that was enough. And now Bucky would be in London for at least the next month, and even though he loved the city, he didn’t want to go. He so wanted to introduce Steve to his friends, and it was a cruel twist of fate that as soon as he’d built the nerve to ask him to join them for dinner, the possibility was stripped away from him.

He huffed and headed to his bedroom to pull out his biggest suitcase, berating himself for his need to fold all of his clothes neatly and not just chuck them in and call it a day. He knew being vain would come back and bite him in the ass one day. He was halfway through folding his favourite suit meticulously when he heard the distinctive sound of Steve’s bike turn onto his street and pull up outside his building. Bucky had almost died on the spot the first time he’d seen Steve on that damn bike. It was like looking at something out of a fever dream. He honestly wasn’t sure it was good for his sanity to see it again, but that didn’t stop him oh so casually walking over to his window to ogle him. And of course Steve chose that exact moment to look up. Bucky had to fight the urge to duck and instead gritted his teeth and waved, internally cursing his floor to ceiling windows for the first time since he’d moved in.

The knock at his front door came a few minutes later, and Bucky opened it to see Steve grinning like a fool with a takeout bag from the breakfast place clutched in his hands, “like something you see?”

“Yup,” Bucky grabbed the bag from Steve and turned away, leaving his boyfriend to close the door behind himself with an indignant squawk. 

“You’re an evil man, Bucky Barnes.” Steve watched him plate up the pancakes from the kitchen doorway, “I don’t know why I thought you deserved pancakes for lunch.”

Bucky pressed a plate into his hand and pulled him along to the couch with a hand in his shirt, “because you won’t see me for over four weeks and you’ll miss your stupidly handsome boyfriend?”

Steve leant in for a kiss, and Bucky couldn’t help but melt into him a little, the hand not holding his food subconsciously tracking its way across his broad shoulders and into the short blonde hair at his neck. He had to pull back before he lost himself in the moment, “mmm, no. Food, then packing, no distractions.”

Steve chuckled under his breath and pecked his lips once more, “whatever you say Sarge.”

Against all odds, they did end up getting the packing done and it was only a minor panic getting to the airport on time. It was all worth it though for the way Steve sweeped him into a tight hug, and kissed him sweet and full of promises that there’d be more when they were reunited. The two of them were anonymous amongst the rushing crowds, just another couple not wanting to say goodbye.

**November 2012 - two weeks later**

The air in London was brisk against Bucky’s cheeks, and the flimsy shirt he was wearing for the scene wasn’t doing much to shelter him against the English elements. October had bled into November in a haze of falling orange leaves and one too many late nights cradling coffees in the production trailer. Bettina hadn’t been lying when she said they only had the location for a couple of weeks, and work had been absolutely non stop since the moment his plane had landed and Bucky had stumbled onto the tarmac with a wild case of travel hair and jetlag that made him want to lay down and sleep right there. Regardless, Bucky was loving the challenge of it. The role was stretching his abilities, and the director had an incredible vision that he just knew would look amazing on the silver screen. He’d even been able to advise on some of the production, seeing as the crew were so run into the ground that everyone on set was taking on more roles than they were paid for.   
He could do without the standing around in a thin shirt on the top of a hill in the bracing wind part though. The director calling “cut!” was practically the best thing he’d ever heard. That was, until he ran back to where a junior assistant was stood holding his thick peacoat and a thermos full of tea and he heard, “Buck!”

And it wasn’t just Bucky’s sleep addled mind, that was definitely Steve Rogers stood holding his things. He couldn’t mistake that silhouette for anyone else. “Steve!” He may as well have leapt into his arms with the way he barrelled straight into him. He immediately wrapped his arms tight around Steve, once more amazed at the way he radiated heat, and hoping that his theatrics were assumed to be a show of affection and not a ploy to ward off his impending frostbite. He glanced up at Steve through his lashes, “what are you doing here?”

“Got some leave from Fury and thought I’d come visit!” Steve laughed at him outright then, and tucked his coat around his shoulders as he bent his head to kiss him, “wouldn’t want you getting cold without your human radiator around, after all.”

Bucky grimaced, embarrassment plain on his face, but he didn’t move an inch except to lean up and capture Steve’s lips with his own once more, “I’ve missed you.”

Steve’s eyes reflected the same dizzying feeling Bucky felt himself, “missed you too Buck. You done for the day?”

“We’ll be lucky,” Bucky glanced over at the director and was pleasantly surprised to see her look his way and wave him off. “Well, would you look at that, we are lucky. C’mon, where are you staying?”

“Some hotel in Soho.”

“Cancel your reservation, you can stay with me.” Bucky pulled Steve along to his rented car, only hesitating when he had his hand on the door, “that is, if you want to?”

“Are you sure?” Surprise coloured Steve’s voice.

“Course. I know all the best places to go anyway.”

“Oh do you now,” the smirk was back on Steve’s face. “You know I’ve been here too.”

“Tell you what, we can make a full tour of it. You can show me the places you remember and I’ll show you my favourites.”

And that’s exactly what they did. Whenever Bucky had a few hours free, the pair of them would hop on the tube and chase down the places that floated in Steve’s memory, or explore the ever growing list of destinations Bucky’s London born-and-raised colleagues told him they just _had_ to visit. Bucky even managed to get that photo of Steve in a patriotic Union Jack hat, which somehow made it onto his Instagram with the caption ‘watch out USA, there’s another red, white, and blue that’s calling my name.’ It was a magical few days, made ever more fantastical by the fact they were staying in such an amazing city, and could go back to their luxurious hotel suite at the end of the day, falling into bed together, the ever growing feeling between them electric in the air.

And the thing was, Bucky wasn’t scared. He’d jumped straight into this thing with Steve without his usual reservations and he couldn’t understand how or why he wasn’t terrified, other than that something about it just felt inherently right. After his string of failed romances, he’d practically sworn off the concept altogether, and for months he’d done just that. In the months he’d been single he’d never felt less alone; his friends and family were the greatest joy in his life, and being able to spend more time with them was something so important to Bucky. Of course, he’d spent a lot of time in his own company too, and had been surprised to find it cathartic rather than claustrophobic. He’d taken his time, made sure he was happy, really and truly happy, with himself and with his life. He hadn’t even meant to bring someone else into the equation, but then he guessed no one could really plan for Steve Rogers.

He woke up on his rare day off, the weak November sun filtering through the thing hotel curtains and warming his face, and he breathed a happy sigh before nestling further into Steve’s side without opening his eyes. He’d never felt so secure before.

**November 2012 - two weeks later**

“After the shocking revelation that James Barnes and Captain Steve Rogers are friends, intrigue has only grown around the pair, with multiple sightings of the two men together over the past three months. Not only have they been spotted in New York, but the pair were seen cozying up in London a few weeks ago, where Barnes was busy filming the much anticipated drama ‘The Winter Soldier’. Sources close to the pair say the two men are ‘enamoured with each other’, while others insist their bond is merely ‘strong friendship.’ Rogers has not been shy in his support of the LGBTQ+ community since his return from the ice, and came out as bisexual in the months following the Battle of New York, but so far has not been seen with a significant other. Notorious playboy James Barnes has been quiet on the dating front since his latest scandal, but is this his return, and is Captain America his new target? While neither man has bothered hiding their connection, with multiple pictures of each of them on both of their Instagram and Twitter accounts, they have stayed hush-hush over the true nature of their relationship. Is it true love for the unlikely couple, or is Barnes simply in the mood for some all-American beefcake?”

Bucky couldn’t help the all out laugh that escaped him after he read that final sentence out loud. “Oh, this is just too good,” he chortled, looking up at Steve from his position sprawled out on his lap, back in his Brooklyn apartment.

Steve shook his head, but was laughing along. “I don’t get their obsession with knowing every detail about us, it’s so weird.”

“That’s showbiz, baby,” Bucky’s smirk turned outraged as the hand that was petting his hair suddenly mussed it all up. He nestled into Steve’s arms a bit more and announced his retaliation, “I’m totally gonna give the people what they want. Nothing you can say will stop me posting the video of you getting told off after trying to climb the lions in Trafalgar Square.”

“You told me it was allowed!” Steve’s voice was indignant and Bucky only had a second to bask in it before the hands wrapped around his waist started mercilessly ticking him. He was sure even his neighbour on the bottom floor of the building could hear his laughter.

**James Barnes** @jamesbarnes  
He’s beauty he’s grace he’s mr united states  
Attached video  
|  
 **Steve Rogers** @captainamerica  
What did I ever do to deserve this treatment  
|  
 **James Barnes** @jamesbarnes  
There are consequences when you break the rules Cap


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so excited to post this chapter - definitely one of my favourites so far!

**December 2012 - one week later**

“You’re sure Becca will like the present?” Steve hadn’t stopped fidgeting for the last half an hour of their drive, and now only ten minutes away from Becca and Gabby’s, it was starting to worsen.

“Steve,” Bucky glanced over at the man sat in the passenger seat who seemed to be focusing his entire attention on biting through his bottom lip, “everything will be fine. I told you, you didn’t even need to get her a present, but she will be so touched that you did. Plus, Natasha helped you pick it out, right?”

Steve nodded, “no way I was trusting myself to get it right.”

“There you go, I’m sure Natasha has great taste in whatever designer crap you got Becs.”

Bucky and Steve were on their way to Becca’s 26th birthday party, and if Bucky wasn’t a bit nervous about all his friends meeting Steve himself, he’d be amused at the obvious anxiety rolling off of Steve. This was a man who charged into battle without thinking twice, but who seemed to think meeting his boyfriend’s friends was a herculean task. 

“Hey,” Bucky reached out for Steve’s hand blindly, his eyes still locked on the road in front of him, and smiled when he felt Steve take it gently, “it’s going to go great Stevie. You met my parents and it went well! These idiots aren’t half as bad as they are.”

Steve laughed a little, “your parents are great.”

Bucky pulled his hand back from Steve’s to park the car in Becca’s already full driveway, “you have to say that.” He turned the engine off and went to turn to Steve to utter more assurances, but Steve was already up and out of his seat, darting around the car and opening Bucky’s door. After two months of dating Bucky was still sometimes caught off guard by Steve’s, well, _everything_. They walked up to the front door, which was decorated with more fairy lights and flowers than Bucky had ever seen before, hand in hand.

“They’ll love you,” Bucky said, inflicting the utmost sincerity into his voice he could manage, “trust me.”

The look Steve gave him in return had his heart melting in his chest and he let out an involuntary sigh as Steve murmured, “I do,” and lent in to kiss him.

Of course, that was the precise moment Becca opened the door. At her delighted laugh Steve jumped back, his cheeks a masterpiece of red and pink. Bucky knew he didn’t look any different, but he cleared his throat and mustered up all of his acting talent to appear unruffled, “Steve, this is my little sister Rebecca. Becs, this is Steve.”

Steve offered her his hand to shake but Becca was having none of it and pulled him in for a tight hug straight away, looping her arms around Steve’s small waist in lieu of reaching up on her tiptoes to circle her arms around his neck. Steve only hesitated for a second before he was tentatively hugging her back.

“It’s so nice to meet you Rebecca.” Bucky couldn’t help but roll his eyes at the formality; no one called his sister ‘Rebecca’ unless she was in trouble. Becca released him from the hug and Steve handed her the small wrapped parcel he’d bought, “happy birthday!”

“Thank you so much Steve, and thank you for coming!” Becca said as she pulled them both into the house, stopping to give Bucky a hug of his own, “everyone’s already here, just follow me to the dining room.”

“I hope we didn’t keep you waiting too long,” Steve said, tension crawling back into his shoulders as they made their way down the hall.

“Not at all,” Becca said graciously, even though Bucky knew hitting that last bit of traffic had made them at least fifteen minutes late.

Bucky laid his hand at the small of Steve’s back and got a tight smile in return as they reached the end of the hall and were suddenly faced with a silent room and six expectant faces looking at them, all trying and failing to appear nonchalant. The smile Steve gave the room was big, practiced, and completely wrong on his face.

“You know, even after all of this, some part of me still believed Bucky was making it all up.” Val broke the silence, her usual tact lacing her voice. Steve snorted, the sound loud in the quiet room, but soon everyone else was laughing along with him.

“Everyone, this is Steve.” Bucky gestured to the group of his closest friends and mentally took a deep breath before diving into the introductions, “Steve, this is Gabby, Becca’s girlfriend. Then we have Sam, who’s Gabby’s brother, and Sam’s husband Riley. Carol and her wife Maria, and last but not least, the ever charming Valkyrie.”

Steve couldn’t walk around the busy table and shake everyone’s hand, so he reverted to squaring his shoulders and drawing up to his full height, offering a wave that looked like it had been honed on the stages of his USO tour and every press conference since. As exaggerated as the action was, his voice was nothing but sincere as he said, “I’m so happy to finally meet you all, Bucky never stops talking about you.”

Bucky made eye contact with Sam, who looked like he was trying, and failing, not to look too excited. He made no effort to hide the mirth on his face as he purposely led Steve straight to the empty seat on Sam’s left. Sam looked like he was either going to kill or kiss Bucky for it, but hadn’t quite made his mind up yet.

“Sam’s got a big old nerd crush on you,” Bucky whispered in Steve’s ear, but not quietly enough it seemed, as Riley suddenly had to hide his laughing fit in his napkin. Steve turned bright red and shoved at Bucky’s arm, turning his back on him to face Sam instead.

“You guys were Air Force, right?”

“58th pararescue,” Sam replied, pride evident in his voice.

“That how you two met?” Steve gestured between Sam and Riley, a soft smile on his face when the two men turned to each other and nodded, but his voice was laced with a delicate kind of pain when he said, “I’m so glad things have changed for the better.”

“Me too,” Sam clapped Steve on the shoulder before he changed the subject, his voice becoming more jovial, “must have freaked you out, coming home after the whole defrosting thing.”

“Takes some getting used to,” Steve laughed. Bucky laughed internally as he watched Steve sling an arm around the back of his chair, bringing him into their conversation, “but that’s what Bucky’s for.”

“You’re such a charmer,” Bucky chastised Steve but still leant back into his embrace, “and here I thought it was my pretty eyes that made you stick around.”

Steve hung his head and Bucky watched the back of nis neck turn slowly red, “you ain’t never letting that go are you Buck?”

“Nope,” Bucky popped the ‘p’ obnoxiously and caught Sam’s eye over Steve’s head, smiling gratefully for how quickly he’d put Steve at ease.

The food arrived at the table then, and it was comical how quickly Steve’s head shot back up, his eyes taking in the number of dishes lining the table from end to end. Becca never half assed her birthday dinner, and every dish on the table contained her favourite foods, from ratatouille to golden roast potatoes, green beans dripping in butter to a huge bowl of perfectly fresh salad. It looked incredible, but Bucky knew from experience that it tasted even better. Wine glasses were passed around and refilled, candles were lit, and every chair was filled with an impatient guest.

Gabby raised her wine glass from her seat next to Becca, “to Becca!” She announced, and everyone joined in with her next cheer of, “happy birthday!”

Bucky didn’t hesitate in grabbing Steve’s plate and piling it high with a portion of every dish on the table, “here. Start with the ratatouille, it’s the nicest thing in the world.”

The moan Steve let out at his first bite should have been illegal, and every head at the table snapped straight to his, not that he noticed, what with the way his eyes were shut tight in pleasure. “That was the best thing I’ve ever eaten,” he said when he’d finished his mouthful and opened his eyes. “I can’t believe we used to boil everything and think it was nice.”

Bucky snorted, “you’re so easy to please.”

“You would be too if you had to live through rationing.” Steve shot back, “boiled cabbage soup, Bucky. Let that sink in. Boiled. Cabbage. Soup.” Each word was emphasised and Bucky shuddered dramatically in response. He’d heard all about Steve’s history with food, and had been the unfortunate recipient of some of his cooking after Steve had got it in his head that cooking Bucky a meal would be romantic, which it most certainly was not.

“Sounds delicious,” Becca deadpanned. “I take it that hasn’t been on the menu since you woke up?”

Steve made a face of disgust, “no. Although Tony did think it would be funny to cook me it at a team dinner, but I heard he got ten minutes into boiling it and couldn’t stand the smell.” Everyone laughed, and Steve continued, “but other than that I’ve been too busy trying all the stuff I never could have got before to go back to stews and soups.”

“You try sushi yet?” Gabby asked, her eyes lighting up like they always did when they got onto the topic of food. 

“I took him to that amazing little place we found in Harlem,” Bucky said, “remember how good the rainbow rolls were? Well, the hand rolls are even better, you gotta come with us some time.”

Steve nodded enthusiastically, “it was amazing! Bucky had to stop me ordering triple portions.”

“I’m not on shift next weekend babe, how bout we head down to New York and go?” Becca said as she leant her body into Gabby’s, “I wanted to surprise Mum by visiting anyway.”

“Sounds great,” Gabby caressed Becca’s jaw before giving her a soft kiss, “you know I love visiting your parents.”

Becca stole one more kiss before pulling back and resting her arm over Gabby’s shoulders, “you’ll always be their favourite.”

Bucky watched the two of them with a fond smile on his face. He’d never seen Becca so happy as she was when she was around Gabby, and he would never admit it, but they’d reawakened the hopeless romantic in him when they’d fallen head over heels in love. Bucky knew his parents adored Gabby - how couldn’t they? She was successful, beautiful, independent, and loved their daughter more than anything. But Bucky had seen the way they looked at Steve when he’d walked through their door and he wasn’t a kind enough older brother not to rub that in a little. 

“I don’t know Becs,” Bucky’s grin was smug and promised, “you should have seen the way they fawned over Steve.”

That got Becca’s attention. And not just Becca’s, by the suddenly alert looks on the faces of the other six, and the betrayed outrage on Steve’s.

“You promised you wouldn’t say anything!” Steve said under his breath, and Bucky could hear the wheedling tone, but it did nothing to deter him from amping up his smugness even more.

“Steve’s met Mum and Dad already? Since when!” Becca was pointing a finger in Bucky’s direction menacingly. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Because we went yesterday, chill out Becs.” Bucky knew his innocent tone would only further enrage his sister, and he revelled in the glare he got sent for his efforts.

“Did your Mum faint?” Carol snickered and Val joined in not a second later, the two egging each other on like usual.

“Did your Dad salute him?” Val laughed.

“Did they -”

Carol was cut off by Steve dramatically groaning and dropping his head to the table, “make it stop Buck, I can’t take it anymore.”

But Bucky had no intention of lessening his boyfriend’s pain. He was outright laughing along with the others now, pink in the cheeks and gesturing grandly, “Ma practically fell in his arms and couldn’t stop gushing about how he was her childhood hero.” Bucky was laughing so hard the words were coming out around wheezes, “you should have seen Steve’s face when she brought out her old scrapbooks.” 

Steve made a pained sound from where his face was still squished into the table which sounded vaguely like, “shut up Bucky.”

“Didn’t stop her pulling out the ‘if you hurt my son I’ll hurt you’ routine though.” Bucky shook his head at the memory. His Mum could be damn scary when she wanted to be, and after the mess Bucky’s dating life had been since, well ever, it was only getting worse.

“Bet that was rough,” Maria grimaced, “Mama Barnes has the biggest protective streak in history.”

“Remember when that reporter tried to get her to talk about Bucky’s love life?” Riley loved remembering that particular story, “it was brutal.”

“Best thing I’ve ever seen,” Carol nodded along sagely.

Bucky ran his fingers through Steve’s hair, snickering at the memory, “it was hilarious, she had this huge scrapbook in her hands with Steve’s face plastered all over it, whilst simultaneously doing the ‘are you good enough for my boy’ interrogation. You couldn’t write it.” Bucky used to hate how protective his parents were over him, but after everything he’s had to deal with, he doesn’t have it in him to resent it any longer. He knows it’s their way of trying to guard him from having his heart broken again, and even though he doesn’t think that would happen with Steve, getting his parents’ blessing meant the world to him.

Steve being who he was just sweetened the deal for them. His mother blamed the time she grew up in for her love of all things Captain America; the stories of his heroics had come back to America with the returning soldiers, and many children his Mum’s age had begged their fathers for stories of the Captain and had drifted off to sleep with the tales of his adventures playing around their heads on repeat. It had been that way for Winifred Barnes, but not so much for her husband George. The stories ran a little more true for George than the other kids on his street, but he’d never bragged about it the way other kids might have. He’d seen the way his father’s eyes shuttered over in grief and gratitude whenever Steve Rogers’ name was uttered, and he’d heard the whispered stories shared between his parents that he shouldn’t have been privy to. George’s father had been part of the 107th, that part he’d known, but what George wasn’t supposed to know, what his father didn’t want him to have to think about, was that he was one of the captured hundreds in Azzano. He’d been led to the labs the morning of the rescue, and George had heard the fear in his father’s voice as he’d told his mother, _“I’d have been dead in that hell within a day if it weren’t for Steve Rogers.”_ George had kept the knowledge to himself, too afraid of what it meant for him to tell another soul about it. Even his son, the child he’d named after his father, didn’t know.

“What did Dad say?” Becca pressed after the laughter about their mother’s scrapbooking died down.

“He was weird about it,” Bucky frowned. He’d been playing his Dad’s reaction again and again in his head, but he couldn’t quite make sense of it. “Real respectful, didn’t even try and give Steve the shovel talk.”

“Are you serious?” Becca groaned, “that’s so unfair! Gabby was subjected to at least twenty minutes of his lecturing.”

Bucky tried to laugh along, but his mind wasn’t in it. He still thought there was something odd in the way his father had reacted to Steve, and he hadn’t missed the way he’d pulled Steve out into the garage under the guise of looking at his vintage Harley, and the way they’d both come out after ten minutes looking a little misty eyed. No one cared _that_ much about motorbikes.

Steve peeked his head up from its place on the table and offered a smile Bucky thought was supposed to be sly, but was way off base, “your parents are great. Real respectful of their elders.”

Bucky made a show of groaning at the joke, but he was shooting Steve a concerned look all the while and the look Steve gave in return promised he’d be hearing the truth later. It mollified Bucky a little and he gave in to the draw of the dinner conversation, being swept up in the banter and teasing that was normal for their friend group. Steve relaxed more beside him, and by the time both dinner and dessert was done, Bucky had all but forgotten about his curiosity. 

Bucky and Steve said their goodbyes not too long after, both aware of the four hour drive still ahead of them. Not for the first time Bucky was grateful for Steve and his serum-given powers; if it weren’t for his ability to stay awake, the pair of them would have to take advantage of Becca and Gabby’s hospitality and the four guest bedrooms they kept perpetually made up. But as it was, they left the house after hugging each and every one of their friends goodbye, and headed out into the cold winter air hand in hand. They got three steps to Bucky’s car before they heard the screaming from inside the house, and a series of _“oh my gods”_ and _“what the fuck just happened’s”_. Bucky cursed his friends internally, he knew how well they handled meeting Steve was too good to be true.

“Sorry, they always do that when I leave the house,” Bucky bumped his shoulder into Steve’s and grinned up at him, “it’s stupid, I hate it.”

Steve just laughed along with him and pulled Bucky to the car, pink spots high on his cheeks as he sat behind the wheel. “I had so much fun meeting them tonight, I hope that means they liked meeting me too.”

“I told you, that’s just what they do when they see me.” Bucky smirked, “don’t let it get to your head.”

Steve hummed in amusement and backed out of the driveway, waving once out of the window in case anyone was still saying goodbye. Bucky sighed and relaxed back into his seat, letting his head lull against the headrest and his eyes languidly track Steve’s features. The lights from the road were strangely hypnotic as they played out across his face, intermittently catching the blue of his eyes or casting shadows against the planes of his face. Bucky felt so removed from everything in that instance, safely cocooned in the car with the radio on and the comfortable silence between he and Steve filling him up from the inside out. He let his thoughts wander and his eyes droop, and time passed without touching him at all.

Bucky felt more than saw Steve’s eyes on him a while later, and it was enough to rouse him from the half sleep he’d found himself enjoying. A quick glance to the clock said they had half an hour left until they were home.

“He told me about your grandfather,” Steve broke the silence, and his voice was gravelly low and oddly vulnerable.

“Hmm, who did?” Bucky pushed himself into a more upright position, blinking his eyes clear until he could focus on Steve, who was turned away from him with his gaze never leaving the road.

“Your father.” Steve glanced at Bucky, but as quickly as their eyes met Steve was back to staring at the road. “That’s what he was talking to me about yesterday.”

Oh. Bucky knew it had to be something heavy, and although he knew the grandfather he’d been named after had fought in the war, he didn’t know anything more than that. No one did, or so he’d thought. But by the way Steve’s shoulders slumped just a little, Bucky could guess it meant his Dad did, and now Steve did too.

“Did you know him?” It wasn’t a hard conclusion to come to.

“Kind of.” Steve paused, and Bucky could see him weigh up his own need to share this with Bucky and the guilt of telling the story that had been hidden for so long. “He was one of the men captured in Azzano. I pulled him out of the...labs.” 

Steve was quiet for another few minutes and Bucky took the time to absorb the information, the knowledge that if it hadn’t been for Steve’s one man rescue mission the Gramps he’d known and loved wouldn’t have come home from the war. It was hard to think about.

“I didn’t make the connection with your name and his until your father told me about it.” Steve smiled, “I’m glad he lived a full life after that.”

“Steve,” Bucky wasn’t sure how to go about thanking his twenty-something year old boyfriend for saving his dead grandfather’s life, but he knew he wanted to get the words out right. “What you did then, and what you do now, it’s, it’s amazing. You’ve given so many people a second chance at life. I’m so glad you’re getting your second chance too.”

Steve looked over at him then, the blues of his eyes piercing and beautiful in the dark of the car, and glistening with unshed tears. “I’m glad too Buck.”

Bucky wanted to say more, wanted to tell Steve just how glad he was that he was living his life once again, how grateful he was that he’d chosen to spend part of it with him. He wanted to whisper the words into his skin, and speak them between kisses until Steve knew just what he meant to him, how much he was loved. But he didn’t, not yet. He let the silence of the car lull them both back into a calm. Bucky knew he had to say it soon though, the _I love you_ practically tripping off his tongue every time he so much as looked Steve’s way, but in what was becoming the typical trend of their relationship, Steve beat him to it.

The jolt of the car as it stopped pulled Bucky out of his reverie, and he glanced between Steve and his building, “you coming up?”

They made their way into the building side by side, the space between them non-existent, and as soon as the elevator doors closed on them Bucky turned into Steve’s warmth, his hands reverently tracing his shoulders as he stole kiss after kiss until the doors opened onto Bucky’s penthouse suite. Even then they didn’t part, Steve merely took his hands from Bucky’s hair and looped them around his waist, tugging him until they were pressed together completely. There was nothing rushed about their embrace, and they kissed sweet and slow until Bucky drew back to catch his breath. He looked up at Steve, and the depth of feeling written across his face set something alight in Bucky.

“I love you,” Steve’s smile was devastating. It was honest, and open, and so, so in love, and Bucky didn’t know how he’d gotten so lucky.

“I love you too,” Bucky breathed out, overcome with the feeling of comfort and safety he felt when bearing his heart to Steve. It had never been like this before, not ever. 

They stood there, in the middle of Bucky’s living room, smiling like idiots and clutching on to one another like nothing in the world could tear them apart. And maybe, Bucky thought, maybe nothing would.


	6. Chapter 6

**New Years Eve 2012 - three weeks later**

The annual Stark New Years Eve party was in full swing by the time Bucky showed up. He and Steve had decided the easiest thing to do would be for Bucky to meet his friends, who were all making the trip down from DC for an extended weekend, at their hotel so they could make their way to Avengers Tower together. Steve, much to Bucky’s amusement, had campaigned relentlessly for the right to join them, but no matter how much he tried to persuade his teammates it was for the better, they were having none of it. Bucky wasn’t sure whether to be in awe of the people who could corral Steve, or be absolutely and completely terrified of them. He wouldn’t have long to wait before he could make that decision in person, and the thought was overwhelming.

His friends didn’t share his apprehension however, and were pinching themselves at the sight of the Tower all decked out in lights before they even entered the lobby. Bucky was more preoccupied with who was waiting for them upstairs rather than how beautiful the building looked. He’d been assured by Steve that the party would be small, even for Tony, and would just be the team and their closest family and friends. Bucky didn’t want to think about how the eight person strong group he was bringing along contradicted that statement pretty nicely, and elected instead to be blissfully ignorant. If he was about to come face to face with Oprah or Beyonce he knew being prepared wouldn’t make one lick of difference, he’d embarrass himself anyway. Doesn’t matter that he’d been in the socialite circle for years, brushing shoulders with the biggest stars in Hollywood, he still thought of himself as an outsider. 

Bucky didn’t notice the way he was furrowing his brow until he caught sight of Steve waiting for them by the private elevator and he felt his expression relax subconsciously. Steve was wearing a midnight blue suit, and as Bucky got closer to him, he realised the jacket was made of velvet. He wanted to sink his fingers into the plush fabric and he did so as soon as Steve was within grabbing distance, taking hold of his lapels and stroking the soft fabric as he pulled Steve down the two inches necessary for them to kiss.

“Look at you,” Bucky smiled, letting Steve’s presence distract him from his nerves. “Seems you can pull off more than just skin tight spandex.”

“You don’t scrub up too bad yourself Barnes,” Steve looked over Bucky’s classic black suit appreciatively. Bucky knew he looked damn good in it, it was one of the first designer pieces he’d ever bought, and he’d worn it to his first movie premiere. It was something of a lucky charm now, and the crisp fit of the jacket soothed his nerves like a comfort blanket. Steve only tore his eyes away from Bucky when Gabby politely cleared her throat. Steve immediately snapped his head up, “hey, so glad you all came! Let me take you all upstairs.”

All nine of them somehow squeezed their way into the small space, and the way they were packed in made it all the more obvious when they all jumped out of their skins at the sound of Jarvis greeting them by name.

Carol’s eyebrows shot up, “that is simultaneously the coolest and most disturbing thing ever.”

Steve laughed, “welcome to Tony Stark’s evil lair.”

The doors pinged open at his words, and Bucky thought that if what he was seeing was an evil lair, he’d profess himself a sinner. The penthouse suite of the tower was like nothing he’d ever seen before. The walls were all floor to ceiling windows that he knew would boast the most magnificent view of the New York skyline during the day, but in the night were instead reflecting back the dazzling scene of the party, making the huge room appear even bigger. Bucky took a few awed steps into the room before he could stop himself, and he was sure he looked like a child in a candy store with the way his eyes couldn’t stop taking in everything around him. There were clusters of sofas and armchairs in the corners of the rooms which created intimate pockets of space in the otherwise minimalist layout. Tall glass tables were dotted around the floorspace, but perhaps the showstopper of the whole thing was the gleaming bar which ran along the length of one entire wall and seemed to be stocked with the best liquor money could buy.

Steve came to stand beside Bucky and put a hand on the small of his back as he passed him a champagne glass, “like it?”

“Holy crap Steve,” Bucky breathed out, “this is where you live?” Steve’s stories of what the team got up to in their spare time really didn’t match with the elegance of the space they were stood in. For some reason he just couldn’t picture the team lounging around this space in pyjamas while watching bad films.

“Well to be fair, it doesn’t normally look this...grand. Pepper definitely had a hand in pulling this off,” Steve shuffled on his feet, but when Bucky looked at him he realised Steve had barely given the room a cursory glance and instead had his attention focused just on him. “You want to meet everyone?”

Bucky took a deep breath. He knew it was irrational, that Steve had already met his parents, his sister, and his closest friends, but this step felt significant somehow. Like after this there were no barriers left between them, they would be well and truly part of each other’s lives. Steve’s team were his family, and there was no denying Bucky’s nerves about coming face to face with them. He nodded before he could second guess himself and looked over to his friends, who were all still taking in the party and happily enthusing about the food and drink they’d managed to obtain. Becca caught his eye and gave him a surreptitious thumbs up when the others weren’t looking, and it was the boost Bucky needed to take Steve’s hand and be led across the room.

Natasha intercepted them before they’d even made it halfway to the bar, and the only reason Bucky recognised her on sight was because of the many drawings of her he’d seen in Steve’s sketchbooks. She was virtually unrecognisable from the woman he’d seen in the footage from the Battle, and not because her face or her hair looked any different, though she was significantly less battle-worn now, but because of the way she held herself. Bucky spent his career pretending to be other people, but he knew in that moment that he’d never be quite so convincing as Natasha was then. She was dressed in a beautiful dark green dress, the top of her head barely brushing Steve’s shoulders even in her heels, and her posture was loose and friendly as she approached them; she looked, for all intents and purposes, like a carefree civilian.

“Nat!” Steve’s face lit up when he saw her, and the way he was so obviously excited reminded Bucky of a golden retriever. “This is Bucky. Bucky, this is Natasha.”

Natasha looked him over before offering her hand, “nice to meet you James.”

“You too,” Bucky tried for his most charming grin, trying not to be put off by the use of his formal name, “I’ve heard a lot about you.”

“That right?” Natasha gave Steve a stern glare, “nothing too bad I hope. I’ve got a lot of covers to maintain after all.” 

Bucky grinned, “and you’re counting on Steve to uphold them? The day we met he practically told me his life story and that was him trying to be undercover.”

That startled a laugh out of Natasha, and Bucky swore the expression was genuine. He’d never felt more proud, especially when Steve groaned dramatically, “I regret introducing you two already. You’re never gonna stop ganging up on me now.” He pointed a finger in Bucky’s direction, “and you didn’t work out who I was anyway!”

“Details, details.” Bucky waved him off, much more interested in possibly getting embarrassing stories about his boyfriend from his best friend, “what other stupid stuff does he get up to in the field?”

Natasha’s answering grin was downright evil, and Bucky could suddenly see why she was one of the most highly regarded agents in the world. Steve tugged on his arm before he could get any of her no doubt juicy gossip, and made a beeline for the bar where the rest of the team were standing around chatting. Bucky let himself be dragged along, laughing now, his worries forgotten. Meeting Natasha had been what he was most nervous about; her being closest to Steve out of the team as well as her being frankly insanely intimidating, but after it had gone so well Bucky felt ready to meet the others. Belatedly, he realised Steve must have planned it out that way and gotten Natasha on board with the plan, because he’d known what Bucky was thinking even if Bucky hadn’t wanted to admit it. One day he’d get used to being around super spies and super soldiers, Bucky thought, but today was not that day.

“Hey guys?” Steve raised his voice to get the attention of his teammates, “I want you to meet Bucky.” Steve grinned at him before adding, rather redundantly, “my boyfriend.”

A chorus of ‘hello’s’ came in response, and Steve just grinned even more before pointing everyone out to Bucky, as if he hadn’t seen them all on TV before. “Buck, this is Tony, Pepper, Rhodey, Clint, Thor, and Bruce.”

“Nice to meet you all,” Bucky cringed at the lame greeting, but he was so out of his depth here. Social situations didn’t get any easier with practice as it turned out. 

“You gonna introduce us Buck?” Sam said, and Bucky looked behind him to see his friends making their way over like the saviours they were.

“Oh my god, Gabriella Wilson?” Pepper exclaimed, her eyes wide as she saw Gabby. “You didn’t tell me you invited her Tony!”

“Umm…” Tony cocked his head and stared at Gabby like he was trying to work something out, “I didn’t? I don’t think?”

Bucky laughed, glad for the ice breaker. “Gabby’s one of my best friends, and my sister’s girlfriend.”

Pepper had seemingly regained her calm composure and merely smiled, offering them both a drink and an, “I’m a huge fan of your films.”

Clint ambled over to shake everyone’s hand and let it slip that the whole team had been slowly making their way through Bucky’s filmography in the months since the Grandmaster interview, and were now apparently big fans of both himself and Gabby.

Tony nodded, “I liked that one where you were a mechanic. Although I have some pointers on your welding technique.”

“Good to know,” Bucky laughed, feeling more at ease the longer he was in the group’s company.

Pepper slipped her arm through Tony’s then and leant towards Bucky conspiratorially, “will you ever grow your hair long again like you did for that part? Asking for a friend.”

Bucky couldn’t help but throw his head back and laugh at that, and the laughter didn’t stop after he caught a glimpse of Tony’s affronted expression. He relaxed back into Steve’s side, letting the rumbles of Steve’s own laughter wash through him, and he felt happier than he had in years as he watched his best friends mix with Steve’s new family. Carol and Maria were locked in what looked like a serious debate with Rhodey, no doubt talking a mile a minute about aerospace engineering or piloting strategies that no one else would be able to follow; Becca and Gabby were laughing with Natasha and Clint, and the ease at which the two pairs conversed made Bucky think there was something more than friendship between Clint and Natasha that he’d have to ask Steve about later; Sam was busy charming Tony, no doubt enthusing about the Iron Man armour, and Bucky saw Riley chatting away with Bruce out of the corner of his eye. What got his attention most though, was how Val had gravitated towards Thor almost subconsciously, and was now leaning into the god’s personal space like it was the most natural thing in the world. Bucky nudged Steve’s side and raised his eyebrows in their direction, but Steve only shrugged, like whatever Thor got up to was often beyond his understanding.

Before long the whole group of them were taking over a group of sofas at the other side of the room, and Bucky watched on as Carol bodily dragged Clint down into a seat next to her, but his attention was quickly caught by Val who had steered Thor into an armchair and was happily using him as a drinks holder as she poked and prodded at his gold accented suit. Bucky folded himself next to Steve on one of the sofas but was quickly pulled tight to his boyfriend’s side as Steve’s arm wound its way around his waist in a gesture that was becoming the norm for them. Bucky had started to notice it in the weeks following their London trip; whenever he was near Steve, Steve would pull him just that little bit closer, like he was subconsciously gravitating to his warmth. Bucky didn’t mind it one bit.

“So,” Carol got everyone’s attention with her loud voice, “what do I have to do to be a superhero?”

Bucky snorted. Of course that would be Carol’s first line of questioning.  
“Well first off,” Natasha looked like she was taking it seriously, but Bucky could see the slightest quirk in the corner of her mouth which gave away her amusement, “you need a tragic backstory.”

Bruce laughed from his seat next to Tony, “oh yeah. We’re all awfully messed up.” Bucky wasn’t sure what to make of Bruce. He was deceptively small and mild-mannered, and Bucky just couldn’t reconcile the man in front of him with the Hulk he’d seen pulling alien armies out of the sky like they were particularly annoying flies.

Tony raised his glass in a sloppy salute and pointed to his teammates in turn, “yup! We have the God of Thunder who was kicked off his planet and stripped of his powers by his daddy dearest -”

“Not to mention the brother,” Val piped up from Thor’s lap.

“How could I forget.” Tony’s eyes twinkled with mischief as he continued around the circle and pointed at his team one by one, “brainwashed assassin one, brainwashed assassin two, the big green rage thing speaks for itself, Sleeping Beauty, and of course me, but you all know how that one goes.”

“Wow, when you put it like that I think we all deserve another drink or two,” Steve laughed as he topped up everyone’s glasses with wine, except his own and Thor’s which were filled with a sweet smelling amber liquid. “Although I do object to being called Sleeping Beauty.”

“We’ve all seen your ass in that suit sweetheart, no point trying to deny it.” Bucky smirked at Steve as his friends all cackled with laughter. He could distinctly hear Clint wheezing out, _‘he’s got America’s ass’_ in between bouts of laughter, and let a smug smile take over his face as he watched Steve turn slowly red.

“I hate you all.” Steve said, but he was smiling as he surveyed his group of friends. 

“Tell you what, whoever has the best sob story out of you new people can be an honorary Avenger,” Tony grinned, clearly enjoying himself.

“Not sure you have the power to offer that Tony,” Pepper said, running a hand through his hair as he tipped his head back against her shoulder and grinned up at her, clearly prepared with a smart retort.

“I do.” Steve said with authority, “and I think it’s a great idea.”

Tony positively lit up with glee and Bucky had to hide his smile in Steve’s shoulder lest he burst out laughing at one of the most powerful people on the planet.

“Oh how I love when you go along with my plans Rogers.”

Steve clinked his glass to Tony’s in response before downing the contents in one go, which got a cheer from Tony and a raised eyebrow from the rest of the team.

“How much of Thor’s mead have you had Steve?” Natasha’s voice was all business but she was biting back a grin of her own, obviously amused by the thought of an intoxicated Captain America. Steve just waved her off with a gesture that did more to prove he’d had one glass too many than if he’d just said something.

“Well, if we’re playing the ‘who’s the saddest’ game then it’s obviously Bucky who wins.” Carol offered without prompting.

“Yeah man, dating Captain America is as sad as it gets,” Sam said, earning himself an indignant ‘hey!’ from the man himself.

“Come on, no one can do better than Mr Rich and Famous?” Clint was goading everyone on, ready to capitalise on the group’s tipsy state to get some dirt on them all.

“They’re all disappointingly vanilla,” Val said, “you’re talking to three married couples. Me and Bucky are the only cool ones.”

“Excuse you, I have two Oscars. That’s pretty cool.” Gabby said, despite the fact that everyone knew she didn’t hold much stock in the awards scene in general. “And me and Becca aren’t even married yet.”

“Yeah, you’re so wild and single,” Carol snorted.

“Pipe down Danvers, you’ve been wrapped around Maria’s little finger for eight years,” Val cut in from where she was still happily reclining against Thor.

“It’s true,” Maria said as she kissed her wife’s exaggerated frown. “It’s gotta be Buck.”

“Anything to say to defend your nomination as saddest act here Barnes?” Tony questioned.

“Nah,” Bucky shook his head, glad he could joke about this now. Being tucked up in Steve’s arms didn’t hurt matters along either, “I’ve had a serious of not nice partners, and every time I get my heart broken the newspapers splash it about as if it’s entertainment. If that ain’t enough to get me in the team I don’t know what is.”

“Fair enough,” Natasha saluted him sarcastically.

“When’s the initiation ceremony?” Thor asked, “we should celebrate our newest team member!”

Pepper started to say something, and Bucky was sure it was going to be something blessedly practical that would get him out of anything too ridiculous, but Steve was already beaming from ear to ear. Definitely not a good sign. Steve just kissed his cheek loudly and giggled to himself before standing up on wobbly legs and pulling Bucky up with him.

“James Buchanan Barnes, by the power vested in me by…” Steve paused and looked around at his team, “wait, who actually did put me in charge?”

“Fury?” Natasha said, although she didn’t sound certain herself. “I think?”

“Good enough!” Steve laughed, “I hereby invite you to join the Avengers as our saddest honorary member.”

“If I have to,” Bucky drawled before pulling Steve down into a kiss, much to the delight of their audience who all whooped and hollered. “Do I get my own uniform?”

“Nope,” Steve grinned down at him.

“A special codename?”

Steve pretended to think about it, “nope.”

“What do I get then?”

“You get to kiss Captain America,” Steve offered cheekily.

“Can I trade for another Avenger?” Bucky was having way too much fun with Steve’s tipsy state, and relished the betrayed look he got for that particular question.

“Nope,” Steve grinned despite Bucky’s teasing and kissed him again.

**January 2013 - ten minutes later**

The countdown chimed around them as everyone counted down from ten at the tops of their voices, but Bucky only had eyes for Steve. 2012 had been a year unlike any other, full of some of his lowest lows but also his highest highs. And now, standing in the ridiculously opulent penthouse of Avengers Tower in the company of some of the world’s most powerful people, Bucky knew everything he’d been through was worth it if it meant he ended up here. In Steve’s arms, surrounded by their family and friends, celebrating the new year together.

_“Three!”_

Bucky stood on his tiptoes to whisper into Steve’s ear.

_“Two!”_

“I love you,” Bucky said, just for Steve to hear.

_“One!”_

Steve kissed him, and Bucky couldn’t imagine ringing in the new year with anyone else.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> minor warning for a panic attack, although it's very brief and not in detail!
> 
> Steve and the team are called out to their first major fight since he and Bucky got together - how will Bucky deal with it?
> 
> This is the last chapter before the epilogue!

**February 2013 - one month later**

“And you’re sure we can’t get out of Tony’s Valentine’s Day party?” Bucky groaned. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Tony, they actually got on surprisingly well, it was just that he wanted his first Valentine’s with Steve to be special. And that generally meant spending the day with him, and only him.

Steve thunked his head down on Bucky’s shoulder, turning away from the pasta sauce he was half-heartedly stirring on his apartment’s fancy stovetop to wrap his arms around Bucky from behind. Bucky laughed as he felt Steve’s exaggerated pout press into his skin. 

Little moments like these were what he thought about when they had to be apart for longer than a few days. It hadn’t happened for a while; Steve had only been called out on a few small missions in the last few months and instead spent the majority of his days at Shield Headquarters training his team and whatever unfortunate agents were assigned to his classes (Bucky had seen the outlines of his training programs, and describing them as brutal didn’t cut it.)

“Tony said it’s mandatory attendance.” Steve huffed, “threatened to disown us if we didn’t show.”

“Well, we couldn’t have that could we,” Bucky laughed as he moved away from Steve’s embrace to finish up their dinner, but not before squeezing his boyfriend’s hands. “How about we take the day off and spend it together before we have to go to whatever hell Stark’s cooked up?”

“Mmm, sounds good.” Steve mumbled, but Bucky was almost certain he wasn’t paying attention anymore, his concentration firmly on the mounds of food in front of him. It had been months, but Bucky was still in awe of just how much food his supersoldier metabolism demanded.

They took their plates to the couch, bypassing the formal dining table completely in favour of sinking into the plush seats in front of the TV - they were currently binge watching Brooklyn Nine Nine and the two of them were completely addicted. Mostly Bucky just thought it was hilarious to compare Steve to Captain Holt and Natasha to Rosa. They were still arguing over who Boyle was; Bucky was adamant Clint fit the bill, but Steve had a pretty convincing argument for Thor.

They were only ten minutes into an episode when an alarm started blaring, loud and incessant.

“Jarvis, what’s the situation?” Steve was already out of his seat and halfway to his bedroom, where Bucky knew his suits were kept under a biometric lock, before Bucky could even blink.

“Reinforcement has been requested by officials in Canada after the sighting of an enhanced individual in Vancouver, Captain.”

“Do we have anything else to go on? Any ID on the enhanced, any idea of motive, that sort of thing?” Steve said, his voice clear and commanding as he put on the Captain America suit, like simply donning the costume was all it took to switch his brain into military mode. 

“Director Fury wishes to fully debrief the team on the Quinjet, Captain. I’m afraid I cannot pass on any more information at this point.”

“Okay, send the alert out to assemble. Tell everyone I’ll meet them at the Quinjet in ten minutes max. That includes Tony, Jarvis. He’s flying with us this time.”

Steve picked up his shield from where it lay innocuously at the foot of his bed and swung it up onto his back, and Bucky watched as he secured the final straps on his suit and checked the handgun he kept in the utility belt had ammunition. He felt removed from what was happening around him, as if he was watching it all from a very long distance. In all honesty, his brain just couldn’t keep track of the rush of emotions running through his head and instead elected to tune everything out. His thoughts were like a rush of radio static.

“Breathe Buck.” And Steve was right in front of him, his large hands circling his shoulders. Bucky hadn’t even realised he had stopped breathing in the first place. “Breathe for me baby, come on, you’re alright. You’re in the Tower, you’ll be completely safe here.”

Bucky locked his eyes onto Steve’s face and stared. But even though his eyes weren’t moving an inch, he couldn’t take in what was in front of him. After months and months of looking at this face and committing it to memory, Bucky couldn’t recall a single detail of it. Steve started to rub slow circles into his shoulders, trying to coax his breathing into slowing down. He hadn’t even realised how fast it had become.

In. Out. In. Out.

“Bucky, baby, can you talk to me?”

Bucky nodded. His thoughts were coming clearer now and the pins and needles that had taken his left arm hostage were beginning to subside, just enough that he could focus on Steve’s voice instead. 

“I have to go, okay?” No, no, that totally wasn’t okay. Why did Steve think that was okay? 

Bucky’s breathing picked up. “But -” was all he could manage.

“I promise you everything will be fine.” Bucky knew that wasn’t something Steve could promise him, but right then he needed to hear the words more than he needed to be told the cold, hard truth of the matter. Before Bucky could do more than nod his head mutely, Steve was holding his hands in a firm but calm grip. His blue eyes bore into Bucky’s, and when he spoke his words held more gravitas than Bucky had ever heard from him before. “I need you to trust that I can do my job Bucky. I need to meet the others now, but Jarvis will keep you updated on what’s going on. Does that sound okay?”

Bucky nodded. He was terrified, but if there was anyone he could trust to take the right steps in a situation like this, it was the man standing in front of him, and if Steve thought everything would be okay, he could trust in that.

“Okay. I love you.” Bucky took in a deep breath and held onto Steve tight, “please be safe.”

Steve held him back just as tightly and kissed him once, “I will. I love you too.”

And then Bucky was alone.

Well, as alone as one could be in Avengers Tower. Not a minute went by before Bucky’s worried pacing was interrupted by Jarvis.

“Mr Barnes, I thought you might like to know the Avengers are now on their way to Vancouver. Their flight is estimated to take one hour thirty-seven minutes.”

“Okay, thank you Jarvis.”

A few seconds passed in which Bucky did nothing to indicate his anxious pacing would stop anytime soon.

“Mr Barnes, if I may suggest you do something to distract yourself? I understand that Legally Blonde has the same runtime as the flight will take. Perhaps I could put it on the TV for you?”

 

Bucky could have wasted some energy on figuring out how Jarvis knew his favourite guilty pleasure movie, but he was quite happy wallowing in his panic.

“I do believe it is one of Miss Potts’ personal favourites too.”

“No,” Bucky stopped in place to glare half-heartedly at the ceiling. He still hadn’t worked out just where Jarvis’ cameras or speakers were. “Don’t you dare drag Pepper into this, I’m sure she’s got better things to do than sit with me.”

Jarvis didn’t deign to respond, so Bucky ducked into the bathroom to splash some water on his face and try to tame his hair into something halfway neat, and was sitting on the sofa staring at the title screen of Legally Blonde when the elevator dinged and Pepper stepped out.

She looked as put together as she always did, that is to say, very. Not a hair was out of place, and even her casual weekend clothes looked like they had three-figure price tags attached to them.

“First call to assemble since you came into the picture, isn’t it?” Pepper got straight to the point and Bucky sighed in relief. He didn’t think he could do small talk just then. Not convincingly, anyway.

“Yeah.” He fidgeted in his seat, not sure if he wanted to say more, but the words tumbled out anyway, “how the hell do you deal with it?”

Pepper laughed, “not well at first. I freaked out completely and asked Tony to give up Iron Man.”

“What?” Bucky couldn’t imagine Tony not being Iron Man. He knew from a logical point of view that Tony had led a full life before donning the super suit, but he’d never known anything more about the notorious CEO other than what he saw splashed on the news front pages, often alongside his own scandals. But it was different for Pepper, he realised. Pepper had been by Tony’s side long before Afghanistan happened, and the shock of seeing someone throwing themselves into fights alongside enhanced and highly trained agents must have been something awful. Bucky suddenly remembered the photos he’d seen of Steve before he got the serum, and he realised with a start that Steve had had no one to worry about him running headfirst into battle like Pepper worried about Tony.

“I know, it seems ridiculous to say it now, but back then Tony wasn’t being Iron Man for the right reasons. It seemed like every conversation we had ended up in a fight. I was asking him to give up a part of himself and he was digging in his heels and refusing to see that his obsession with the suits was unhealthy. It took us almost breaking up to sit down and talk it all out. We found a middle ground in the end, and it’s worked well for us.”

Bucky didn’t really know what to say to that. The two of them seemed so strong, and they radiated the kind of contented energy you only found in couples who’d been together through thick and thin. He supposed you sometimes had to go through the bad times to realise that what you had was worth fighting for.

“Anyway,” Pepper broke the silence with a self-deprecating grin, “Legally Blonde?”

Bucky laughed out loud and the melancholy air around them dissipated. He still couldn’t ignore the undercurrent of anxiety that was coursing through his body, but having Pepper there with him was more than he could have asked for, and he settled into the sofa with a smile of his own.

“Hit it Jarvis.”

It shouldn’t have worked as well as it did, but then there was a reason Legally Blonde was his go-to film for when he was feeling bad; no matter how many times he’d seen it, and even though he could speak along almost word for word, it never failed to bring him out of his head, and by the time Elle was making half her class cry with her valedictorian speech, he felt better than he had since the alarm went off.

It couldn’t last.

“Mr Barnes, Miss Potts, the Avengers have landed in Vancouver. Would you like me to broadcast surveillance on the TV?”

Bucky hesitated. The not knowing was killing him, but he didn’t know how much harder it would be to see what was happening and not be able to do anything about it. Plus, seeing footage of another city wide catastrophe definitely wouldn’t bring back any good memories, that’s for sure.

Pepper seemed to be waiting for him to say something.

“So, this is the worst.” Bucky said, trying to inject a little humour into his voice.

“Yup,” Pepper ran her hands through her hair and sighed, “every time I tell myself not to watch it, but I always give in after five minutes. I can’t stand the not knowing.”

“You heard her Jarvis, patch us through please.”

The TV flickered to life immediately and loudly. The screen was split between four different camera angles, all showing different points of the action; Steve and Natasha were in the top right hand corner fighting side by side, Tony and Thor were flying through the sky on the bottom right, Bruce was smashing things indiscriminately in the top left, and the bottom left was focused on an office building which seemed wholly unremarkable save for the rain of arrows that soared from the top of it pretty much constantly. Bucky didn’t notice any of it though. He had pinpointed Steve immediately and hadn’t taken his eyes off him once. The man they were fighting seemed to be controlling the weather, and Bucky watched in horror as a howling wind swept up everything in its wake and sent it hurtling into a group of cowering civilians. Steve jumped in the way, because of course he did. Bucky watched in horror as he was thrown into a building and dropped to the ground from five stories up with a sickening thud. He didn’t move. The villain started to approach his body.

“James, look at me.” Pepper was gripping his arm, almost tight enough to hurt, and the small stab of pain was enough to cut through the panic. “Focus on me, yeah? Steve will be okay.”

Bucky did as he was told and stared into Pepper’s eyes, which despite her calm voice were tight with concern. Out of the corner of his eye, Bucky could see that the screen now only showed one camera stream. Unconsciously, Bucky’s eyes drifted back over to the screen, unable to do anything other than watch in mute horror as the love of his life pushed himself back to his feet unsteadily and stared the villain down determinedly. Bucky couldn’t help the small whimper that escaped when he saw the resolve in Steve’s eyes. This was a man who would go down fighting.

Pepper sighed in relief and sagged against the couch cushion and Bucky wanted to scream. Steve was still staring the villain down, probably calculating the best plan in his head, but he had a small smile on his face. Why the hell would he be smiling? Then Bucky saw what Pepper had noticed moments before. The rest of the team were approaching on all sides, and the villain, so engrossed in believing he’d bested Captain America, was not aware of them at all. Bucky saw the moment he realised it was all over when the smug smile dropped off his face at the sound of a repulsor charging up directly behind him. The man started to turn around, hands glowing blue as he inevitably tried to launch a counter attack, but it was too late. He didn’t so much as make it rain before he was crumpled on the floor, groaning and clutching his side. Natasha swaggered forwards and snapped the power repressor cuffs on him and started to march him off to the waiting SHIELD officials, raising her hand for a high five as she passed Steve, who returned it without even looking. Bucky laughed, relief and adrenaline at odds as they coursed through his body with no release. He laughed and laughed and wanted to cry.

It was hours before Bucky would get to see Steve again, to see him and hold him and be certain in the knowledge that he was okay. The time ticked by slowly, punctuated with messages from his friends and family all wanting to know how Steve was and how he himself was doing. He didn’t answer any of those messages honestly. Which was probably why his phone rang seconds after the _‘I’m fine’_ he’d sent Becca.

“Have you heard from him?” Was the first thing Becca said when he picked up.

“Yeah, he messaged when they were back on the Quinjet.” Bucky sighed, “he said everything was okay, but I need to see him with my own eyes before I believe that.”

“Don’t blame you. Keep us up to date okay? And Bucky,” she said, her voice laced with concern, “take care of yourself too please. Come and see me when you can, and bring Steve so I can give him a hug and a punch. Watching him fight took years off my life.”

Bucky laughed hysterically, “tell me about it! How the fuck am I supposed to deal with this?”

Becca laughed along with him before she trailed off into something that sounded suspiciously like tears, “talk to him, talk to us, talk to Pepper and Sam and anyone else who knows what it’s like to watch their partner put themselves in danger like that, talk to your therapist, just please don’t shut yourself away.”

Bucky couldn’t promise he wouldn’t do that.

“I mean it, Bucky. I know you’re scared of getting hurt, but you have to deal with this head on. You deserve to be happy.”

Bucky sat down on the couch and hung his head, clutching the phone like a lifeline, and cleared his throat before he could choke out a thank you and goodbye. He had a lot to think about, but the one thing that he knew for certain was that he was in love with Steve and he never wanted to let that go. They would deal with the rest together.

***

The elevator dinged two hours later, five hours since the fight ended, to show Bucky collapsed on the couch, too exhausted from the adrenaline crash to keep his eyes open. The soft ding that signified Steve’s arrival stirred him awake, and he blinked his eyes open lazily, forgetting for a second the day’s events. It was only the sight of Steve in his slightly worse for wear suit that brought the memories flooding back in.

“Steve!” Bucky jumped straight into his arms, his hands subconsciously running over every part of Steve he could reach, just feeling him there in front of him set his racing heart to rest. 

Steve’s arms tightened around his waist like a vice, “promised you I’d be okay.”

To his horror, Bucky was crying; small pools of water gathered in his eyes and no matter how much he tried to blink them back, he couldn’t stop them running down his cheeks. He tucked his head into Steve’s neck, “you asshole! I thought you’d gotten hurt.”

“You watched it?” Steve squeezed him once before letting go and cupping his face, catching his eyes, “I’m sorry sweetheart, it’s just a new tactic I thought up. I pretend to get hurt and the others have a chance to sneak up on whoever it is we’re fighting. Works a treat on the real egomaniac ones.”

“So you’re not hurt?”

“No. Takes more than that to take me down.” Steve kissed him softly, “I promise I’m fine.”

“If that’s what it’s like when you’re fine, I don’t know what I’m gonna do when you aren’t.” Bucky didn’t look Steve in the eye as he voiced his deepest worry, but he could feel the sad stare he got anyway.

“Buck…” Steve said his name with so much love and care it was almost too much to bear. “I need to get cleaned up, but after that can we talk about this?”

Bucky wanted to say no, he really did, but Becca’s words echoed in his head and he knew he had to face this. “I’ll make cocoa,” is what he settled on.

***

“What are you thinking?” Steve said, looking more like the man Bucky knew and loved in his sweatpants and tee, curled up on the couch with his mug of cocoa.

“I’m scared.” Bucky had been thinking about what to say since he’d accepted that he’d have to be honest about this, and the words came pouring out. “I’ve known you were Captain America for months now, but that part of your life has seemed so distant, like it was there in theory but wasn’t something I’d have to deal with. I never thought about how being with you would mean having to watch from the sidelines as you throw yourself into danger. I know how naive that sounds.”

“It’s not naive Buck. I should have done more to prepare you for what it’s like, but to be honest, this is still all new to me too, this kind of thing doesn’t happen all that often - the big fights, I mean. They normally only need me for smaller missions, like the ones me and Nat have been doing over the last few months.”

“Yeah, I know. It just came as a shock. Even though basically half of my best friends are military, I didn’t know them when they were active service. I never had to face the reality of what fighting for this country is like for them, or what it does to the people left behind. Spoiler: it sucks.”

Steve snorted at that, “believe me, I know how much being left behind sucks. I want to make it easier on you.”

“Yeah well the difference is I’m not sad to be left behind because I want to be part of the action, I’m sad because I want you here with me instead.”

“Buck? Are you asking me to quit the team? Because I’m sorry, but this is part of who I am and yeah, maybe one day in the future I’ll step away from the action and let someone else take the lead, but that isn’t for years yet and I won’t choose between my team and you.”

Bucky listened in bemusement, his eyebrows rising steadily as Steve said his piece. “I’m not asking you to do that Steve.”

“Oh.” All the fight left him immediately and Bucky watched fondly as he took a sip of his cocoa to hide the blush that was darkening his cheeks, “sorry.”

“Don’t be, I’m glad you said it. Because I can put those worries straight to bed - I am not now nor will ever force you to make the decision between being Captain America and being my boyfriend. All I meant was that it’s hard to watch you risking your life when hours before you were curled up with me watching dumb TV!”

“Okay,” Steve took his hand and squeezed it.

“But I do want you to keep me in the loop a bit more. Like knowing you were faking being hurt today would have reduced my anxiety levels by ninety percent. And...and maybe we can talk to Tony about developing something that would keep me and Pepper up to date with what’s going on without us having to rely on Jarvis hacking into CCTV. That might be good.”

“Sounds reasonable,” Steve smiled at him fondly, “thank you. For being here and caring about me. Having someone to come home to after a fight is something I’m not ever going to be used to.”

Bucky scoffed, “well I ain’t going anywhere Rogers, so you’ll get used to it soon enough.” He scooted forward and captured Steve’s lips with his own, letting all the relief and love he was feeling pour into the kiss, “you’re stuck with me.”

Steve kissed him back softly, and only pulled away to whisper, “move in with me,” against Bucky’s lips.

Bucky shifted and took Steve’s hands in his own, a huge smile blooming on his face, “are you serious?”

“Yes. I love you, I want to be with you as much as I can. Please?”

Bucky laughed out loud, high on the feeling of pure happiness that came over him at hearing those words. Moving in with anyone was a foreign concept to him even a year ago, but now he didn’t even have to think before saying yes. Sure, he’d miss his penthouse apartment, but trading that for living in Avengers Tower, for living with Steve, well it wasn’t much of a competition at all.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 100% fluff to end the story, hope you like it!

**May 2013 - three months later**

Bucky woke up on the day of the interview without a trace of nerves in his body. Steve had asked him to marry him exactly two weeks before and the thrill of looking down and seeing the diamond ring on his finger hadn’t abated one bit, it was still just as incredible and just as unbelievable as it had been since Steve got down on one knee. Bucky was still smiling as he padded into the kitchen to start breakfast and saw the evidence of the life he and Steve were building for themselves. When Bucky had first moved into the Tower, he’d been worried that it would never truly feel like home what with the electronic butler and countless gleaming appliances on equally as gleaming marble countertops, but three months later and he knew he couldn’t have been more wrong. The fridge door was littered with photos from their friends and little notes they’d stick up and never take down again, and a birthday party invitation from Sam and Riley’s adopted son Peter was in pride of place. The drawings he and Steve had done at the diner on the very first day they met were framed and hung in the living room where everyone could see them, a fact that Steve was way too smug about seeing as his was a masterpiece and Bucky’s was affectionately called ‘a mess’ by everyone who saw it.

The Tower was his home now, and he wouldn’t have it any other way, wouldn’t want a single thing about this life to change. And he was ready to share that with the world.

***

This time around when Bucky was getting fussed over in the dressing room of the Grandmaster’s studio he wasn’t alone - he had his fiance with him. It was infinitely better - this time he got to watch as Steve got steadily more annoyed with the constant questions from the crew and tried to hide it behind polite half smiles and awkward small talk.

Before Bucky could step in to save Steve from posing for yet another selfie, they were being ushered out of the small room and onto the stage. Pausing before the doors opened to show the live audience and the Grandmaster waiting for them, Bucky took Steve’s hand in his and, as had become a habit in the last two weeks, found the gleaming silver band on his ring finger and felt it’s cool weight under his fingers. After Steve proposed, Bucky had insisted on getting him a ring too, for the first time in his life wanting to give someone a solid symbol of his commitment. But where his own ring was slim and inlaid with diamonds, Steve picked one that was plain, buffed to a smooth shine with the only concession to decoration being the inscription Bucky had engraved on the inside where it would be safely tucked against Steve’s skin. They were both perfect.

“Ready for this?” Bucky asked, squeezing his hand once.

“With you by my side? Always.” Steve declared, and Bucky thought once again that even though he’d have a lifetime to get used to Steve’s sincerity, it would always catch him off guard.

The door to the stage opened, the bright lights blinding them and the crowd deafening as they walked over to greet the Grandmaster, and it was only as Bucky went to shake the host’s hand that he realised he was still clutching onto Steve’s. So much for a surprise announcement.

Sure enough, the Grandmaster wasted no time in grilling them, “I couldn’t help but notice you were holding hands when you walked in, is there something you want to tell us?”

Steve looked to him with a small, bright smile and Bucky knew then that he wasn’t going to stick to the rehearsed response their PR manager had grilled into them, which meant only one thing: Bucky was going to have to play along with whatever Steve came up with. He was oddly okay with the turn of events.

“Bucky said yes,” Steve said with a huge grin, and grabbed Bucky’s hand to wave it in front of the crowd, showcasing the ring that was gleaming under the studio lights. He tugged Bucky even closer and brought his hand up to his lips to kiss the ring, “we’re getting married!”

The crowd burst into raucous applause, some shouting out well wishes and congratulations, and some just shouting ‘kiss!’ Bucky laughed along, all too willing to play along for the audience’s sake, and planted a wet kiss on Steve’s cheek, who immediately made a big show of grimacing and wiping it off.

“Congratulations,” the Grandmaster said, quieting the crowd down, “this is quite the way to come out as a couple.”

“Well, neither of us are ones to do things by half,” Bucky joked along, “and it seemed like the right time.”

“And with both of our jobs being so public, we wanted to keep it for ourselves too,” Steve added. “There was the added worry that Bucky being tied to me makes him a target, but we knew we couldn’t keep a marriage out of the press and wanted to control the way the news came out personally.”

“Makes sense,” the Grandmaster nodded, “so take us through what’s happened since the last time you were on my show.”

“We’ve been dating since that day actually,” Bucky said. “That chance meeting brought us back together and we haven’t looked back.”

“It’s been nine months now, and I know it’s deemed quick to get engaged after less than a year together in this decade, but, well, let’s just say I know a little about waiting too long and having things slip from your fingers. I know Bucky’s the one for me and I didn’t want to wait any longer to make that commitment official.”

“So you tamed the wild playboy of Hollywood.” It wasn’t a question.

“To be fair, I was never _that_ much of a playboy.” Steve raised his eyebrows and Bucky shoved at him, “I wasn’t! So much of it was exaggerated by the press. And anyway, even if I was it’s all in the past now and I’m happy keeping it that way. I’ve had my heart messed around so much, I can’t tell you how nice it is to have someone that makes me genuinely and completely happy. I never want to let that go.”

“Me neither,” Steve looked to him and Bucky could see the absolute love he felt reflected back at him, “so it won’t be long until the ceremony.”

“So, the wedding will be sometime in the near future then?” The Grandmaster questioned. “What else is in store for you two?”

“Well, I’ve already been made an Avenger, so not exactly sure where to go from here.”

“You’ve what?”

Bucky grinned at the confusion on the Grandmaster’s face, which was slack with shock.

“Oh yeah, Bucky joined the team at the start of the year. I made it official myself.” Steve looked stoic as he said it, and Bucky loved him more than ever for it. Whoever said Steve was a stick in the mud obviously didn’t know him well enough.

“I got it by being the saddest act that the Avengers know. I’m very proud of it.”

“As you should be, it’s a magnificent achievement.” Steve bit his lip as he tried to hold in his laughter, “you’ll be the First Husband of the Avengers.”

“Oh shut up,” Bucky said with no heat, “honestly, after we’re married things won’t change too much, I’ll still be acting and Steve will still be leading the team. We have the rest of our lives ahead of us and I’m more than happy to see where that takes us.”

“Me too,” Steve smiled, and Bucky couldn’t wait to spend the rest of his life with him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you to everyone for following this story! it's been so much fun for me to write and i hope it's been fun to read along too!


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